A.C. Benson Quotes

A talking dog is not the answer. That's not a way to convince people not to smoke pot. If animals started talking to me, I would up my pot consumption just to make that happen.

It's easier to do comedy with an audience, because their reactions tell you whether or not what your saying qualifies as comedy.

I made some jokes about weed, got some laughs, made some more jokes, got some more laughs; next thing you know, I'm telling a lot of jokes about it.

P. Diddy's gonna be exhausted, you know, running with the Olympic torch in one hand and the torch he'll always carry for J-Lo in the other.

J-Lo finally married into her own music genre. Crappy music.

I started doing pot jokes, and I noticed that audiences invariably love pot jokes. Even people who don't smoke pot think it's a funny subject.

I think there is much more storytelling in stand-up now. Less emphasis on the joke. Jokes are still important, but it feels like a more intimate and personal experience these days.

I used to make love to Green Day's music. But 9 minutes? I'm not Superman.

I know there's a lot of nasty humor directed at celebrities, but my feeling is, in most cases, they deserve it.

Do you get a nice monthly check from the government for dwelling on things?

A man must not only stand for the right principles, but he must also fight for them. Those who fight for principle can be proud of the friends they've gained and the enemies they've earned.

We should confess His hand in all things. Ingratitude is one of our great sins.

No true Latter-day Saint and no true American can be a socialist or a communist.

Character is the one thing we make in this world and take with us into the next.

To the patriots I say this: Take that long eternal look. Stand up for freedom, no matter what the cost. Stand up and be counted. It can help to save your soul-and maybe your country.

When you choose to follow Christ, you choose to be changed.

The Book of Mormon offers so much that broadens our understandings of the doctrines of salvation. Without it, much of what is taught in other scriptures would not be nearly so plain and precious.

Freedom can be killed by neglect as well as by direct attack.

I have a vision of the whole Church getting nearer to God by abiding by the precepts of the Book of Mormon.

When we set goals we are in command. If we know where we are going, we can judge more accurately where we are now and make effective plans to reach our destination.

Pride is competition-competition between God and Man.

We must be devoted to sound principles in word and deed: principle above party, principle above pocketbook, principle above popularity.

We will not know Him, until we become like him.

Let your minds be filled with the goal of being like the Lord, and you will crowd out depressing thoughts as you anxiously seek to know Him and do His will.

Daily, constantly, we choose by our desires, our thoughts, and our actions whether we want to be blessed or cursed, happy or miserable.

The high cost of low living.

Just as a man does not desire food until he is hungry, so does he not desire the salvation of Christ until he knows why he needs Christ.

Our desires, be they spiritual or temporal, should be rooted in a love of the Lord.

The great task of life is to learn the will of the Lord and then do it.

I grew up believing that the willingness and ability to work is the basic ingredient of successful farming. Hard, intelligent work is the key. Use it, and your chances for success are good.

No society will long survive without mothers who care for their young and provide that nurturing care so essential for their normal development.

Communities have a responsibility to assist the family in promoting wholesome entertainment. What a community tolerates will become tomorrow's standard for today's youth.

The God of heaven sent some of His choicest spirits to lay the foundation of this government. And he has sent other choice spirits to preserve it.

Successful families try to work together toward solutions instead of resorting to criticism and contention.

Becoming Christlike is a lifetime pursuit and very often involves growth and change that is slow, almost imperceptible.

If we have any criticism of our leaders, we invite Satan into our lives and beliefs.

Records, radio, television, movies, magazines-all are monopolized by the money managers who are guided by one ethic, the words wealth and power.

It is a fundamental truth that the responsibilities of motherhood cannot be successfully delegated. No, not to day-care centers, not to schools, not to nurseries, not to babysitters.

We can choose to humble ourselves by receiving counsel and chastisement, . . . by forgiving those who have offended us, . . . by rendering selfless service. . . .

Strong families cultivate an attribute of effective communication. They talk out their problems, make plans together, and cooperate toward common objectives.

I would rather say whoa to a leader than gittie up.

Without Christ there would be no Christmas and without Christ there can be no fulness of JOY

Satan knows that youth is the springtime of life when all things are new and young people are most vulnerable.

Nations cannot endure in sin.

I speak of honor-your honor to God-your honor to country-your honor to self. I sincerely believe it to be the cure to most of our ills, both on a national or individual basis.

Thank God for the joys of family life. I have often said there can be no genuine happiness separate and apart from a good home. The sweetest influences and associations of life are there

The Lord is letting the wheat and the tares mature before he fully purges the Church. He is also testing you to see if you will be misled. The devil is trying to deceive the very elect.

The responsibility of a man is to lead his family.

Adequate early rest is best...."Early to bed and early to rise" is still good counsel.

A mother's role is God-ordained. Mothers are to conceive, bear, nourish, love, and train. They are to be helpmates and are to counsel with their husbands.