Al Lopez Quotes

Love is mental illness going in and mental illness coming out. In between, you do a lot of laundry.

I'm not afraid to take on somebody or say something that somebody will find offensive because unfortunately in comedy, you can't say anything really good without offending somebody.

As long as you're a tax deduction, you'll always be safe in my house.

You're never going to be a Yankee for a day, or you're never going to be a Laker, but with Pro-Ams, they allow you to feel like you're a professional golfer and play under their conditions.

Finally there is someone that you can invest in that looks like you, speaks like you, relates to things you relate to, and make our culture okay to talk about.

I was always very comfortable with who I was. Confident. I’ve never looked at [my body] in a negative way.

You've got to love yourself first, and until you value yourself enough and love yourself enough to know that, you can't really have a healthy relationship.

I'm very comfortable with being productive. I like doing things, and I like creating things.

Even as an actor, when you have a kissing scene it's still weird.

I never taught my girls to play golf; they all played softball

It is much easier not to struggle, to give up and take the path of the living dead. But if we want to live, we must struggle.

I like to think my sense of humor is sort of smart and dumb at the same time. I like to work on multiple levels - smart and dumb, funny and sad, profound and mundane, cynical and hopeful.

My parents sacrificed so much for all of us. It makes me want to give back to them by being the best I can be.

I am positive - determined to move forward with my life, bring up my babies, and do the best job I can as a mother, entertainer, and person.

We must not allow the practices of an anti-democratic State that abuses the powers of government to violate the human rights of Venezuelans.

I'm delighted. I don't know of anybody who had a statue built of them while they were living. It's a great feeling.

I will accept the results when the election is free and clean. I cannot accept fraud.

It does not demean men to want to be what they imagine the wolf to be, but it does demean them to kill the animal for it.

The gaze of the wolf reached into our soul.

When I sit at that typewriter, I have to be frightened of what I'm trying to do. I'm frightened by my own belief that I can actually get a story down on paper.

You continue to live them out, making your life a worthy expression of leaning into the light.

There's so much to be afraid of.

There are simply no answers to some of the great pressing questions.

You know, me winning two gold medals, going for a third one, that's nice. But being there with Mark and my sister, and my brother being the coach, it's a dream come true. It's going to be awesome.

When I tell people I'm going to the Olympics, they're like: 'What do you do, track and field? Pole vault? Are you a volleyball player?' No one ever guesses tae kwon do.

One time, I was so hungry, I ate the beans in a bean bag chair.

I grew up not having a father. Golf is the father I never had. It taught me honesty and respect and discipline and it taught me to control my temperament.

Memories, priceless. Well not really priceless, but there you go!

Laughter survives... it has to survive.

I didn't want to be nobody, and that was the only way I could be somebody was to do stand-up.

When I look at the Gospel, I see how it is speaking to me at this time. I see how to be to others and it helps.

Obama is the closest thing to a Latino that we have. Barack. Everybody wants to see his birth certificate too.

When we got married, we agreed on a boy for me, and a girl for you. Mine's upstairs sleeping. Good luck with yours!

It's good to see people not smoking. You get dressed up, and you smoke, and it gets in your clothes. You go, 'What should I wear tonight?' 'I don't know, honey, how about something menthol?'

George: Why've you had a grudge against your brother for 15 years? Benny: We Lopezes are a proud people... George: You have a birthday lunch at Denny's every month. We're not that proud!

The average late-night viewer is in their mid-50s and the average viewer of TBS is in their 30s and is largely African-American and Hispanic, already, before I even get there.

The jewelry stores say, 'Tell your wife you love her with a diamond,' while wives tell you they love you with, 'Ok, but just because it's Valentine's Day.'

I'd shake his hand, but I think that's what's holding up his pants.

From now on, we're home schooling you. Whatever we don't know, you don't know. When did the Korean War start? I don't know, and neither do you!

Life is great and golf has been one of the great parts of it for me.

I have dogs in my house and much like teenagers at some point, they leave the parents. Even though they're in the same house, they live independently. I think that's how I live with the Chihuahuas.

I've gotten in trouble with every race you can imagine.

We're Mexican not Mexican't!

An animal has to suffer for us old-school Latinos to get what we want.

I spend a lot of time alone and my wife understands that I need to be alone. I enjoy being alone. But I'm never lonely.

I believe that there are certain things that could be taken care of that you don't need a strong political background in.

Presents? We already bought you a lot of things. Member when we were at the market and I bought you gum? You'member.

Barack Obama may be black, but John McCain is the first Albino presidential candidate: he's completely see-through!

I've spent days in cinemas answering questions from the audience, in interviews, travelling abroad, and all they do is thank me nicely.

David Letterman is the best late-night talk show host right now, hands down, and has been since he first took the desk.