Al Yankovic Quotes

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.”

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.

You make me wanna staple bagels to my face, then remove them with a pitchfork.

My hobbies just sort of gradually became my vocation.

I've learned how to use my spam filter pretty effectively.

I'm an ugly girl, My face makes you hurl, Sad I have it, I should bag it. Acne everywhere, Unwanted facial hair. I'm a relation to Frankenstein's creation.

People that were a little nerdy in high school would look up to me and know it gets better.

As it turns out, there is a thing called the Internet, and stuff does go out there whether the suits like it or not.

I'll bet every great thinker and leader we've got Could see all kinds of things other people could not! So then why get upset if somebody like me Tries to look at the world just a bit differently?

Didn't have Nintendo, we just poured salt on snails.

Probably 90 percent of my albums have polka medleys.

That's something the kids should know about. Reading is a gateway to witchcraft and lesbianism.

I'm stranded all alone in the gas station of love, and I have to use the self service pump.

My process for the parodies is that I get an idea for a song and then get approval from the artist and then go in and record it and probably try to get it out as soon as possible.

I'm just a no-good, scum sucking, nose picking, boot licking, sniveling, groveling, worthless hunk of slime.

There are probably a few library fines I haven't paid yet, but I'm a pretty clean-cut guy overall.

I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art!

My brothers and sisters hated me because I was an only child.

I don't really look at myself as the kind of person who craves attention, but I've never been to therapy so there's probably a lot of stuff about myself that I don't know.

People say releasing an album is like giving birth, but it’s more like having a gallbladder operation.

There aren't that many superstars around anymore.

Some people want to advertise their weirdness, and spread it out, that's not me.

Maybe I'll make a huge color tapestry from my belly button lint.

What kind of morons do you have working at newspapers in Austin that would base an entire review of an artist's performance on whether or not they had a good seat?

He died a long painful death. However, you'll be happy to hear that just a few years later he was reincarnated as Shirley MacLaine.

It was difficult to get into my friends' rock bands when I was a teenager. They somehow didn't see the need for an accordion player. That's when I realized that I had to find my own path in life.

I'll be mellow when I'm dead.

It's hard to force creativity and humor.

I knew we were having problems when you put those piranhas in my bathtub again.

I can bend paper clips into the shapes of small animals.

I think my chances of ever making it into the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame are about as good as Milli Vanilli’s.

I make charts of songs that are good candidates, good targets, so to speak. Then I try to come up with ideas for parodies. And 99% of those ideas are horrible.

You can play some schlock like New Kids On the Block.

As a kid, I certainly never thought I would get to spend my life doing something fun.

It becomes more important to me as time goes on to make every album the best thing I've ever done, so it's a lot of self-imposed pressure that also kind of slows me down a bit.

Boys like Peter are afraid of alot of things, like nuclear annihilation and flunking algebra, but they're not afraid of wolves.

Buy our album, were Nirvana, a garage band from Seattle. Well, it sure beats raising cattle.

So that's why one of my rules of parody writing is that it's gotta be funny regardless of whether you know the source material. It has to work on its own merit.

My personal taste doesn't enter into it a lot when I make my decisions as to what to parody.

I don't watch a lot of other people's parodies because I don't want to be unduly influenced.

I've always enjoyed animation and voiceover work. That's something that I've been proactive about.

I think I'm equally as abusive as the editors normally are for the "Letters and Tomatoes" column, which is the fan mail part of MAD Magazine and an ongoing feature.