Alonzo Bodden Quotes

I don't like conservatives. They always talk about the good old days. I'm black, we have no good old days.

I like psycho chicks... Yeah, you hook up with a psycho, you're gonna learn something. First thing you learn is how to sleep with one eye open.

We had one idiot put a bomb in a shoe, and now everybody's got to take their shoes off? Where's the bra bomber at? I say, if we've gotta wait in line, let's make it fun for everybody.

A joke is either funny or it's not funny. If I hear a funny joke, you know what I do? I laugh, that's what I do. I don't start a focus group to see who got hurt by the joke.

I have fantasies of burning down an insurance company just so THEY have to make a claim.

I was on the highway - I saw the scariest thing in the world, man. I saw an Asian driving an SUV. Really, I just drove my car right into the guardrail, figured I'd save him some time.

I wish airplanes were more like elementary school with someone up front telling everyone to sit down and shut up.

I grew up in the suburbs. I'm an angry suburban nergo. I'm bad in, like, Starbucks. I'll hurt you over a frappuccino.

Nothing good ever climbed up the side of a boat.

Every day theres something new. Something's going to destroy us all. Then it disappears.

Women like jewelry. They're like racoons: show them some shiny stuff and they'll follow you home.

I wasn't always a comic, I used to do honest work.

I ride because there’s nothing like in the world. It’s a passion. It’s something I absolutely have to do and I can never imagine not doing it.

I could always make people laugh.