Ambrose Bierce, The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary Quotes

Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.

JEALOUS, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.

Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.

Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.

AMNESTY, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.

GRAPESHOT, n. An argument which the future is preparing in answer to the demands of American Socialism.

Inhumanity, n. One of the signal and characteristic qualities of humanity.

NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.

Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

POLITICS, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are not as they ought to be.

Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offence.