Ambrose Bierce Quotes
ROSTRUM, n. In Latin, the beak of a bird or the prow of a ship. In America, a place from which a candidate for office energetically expounds the wisdom, virtue and power of the rabble.
FOLLY, n. That "gift and faculty divine" whose creative and controlling energy inspires Man's mind, guides his actions and adorns his life.
Cat: a soft indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.
PATRIOT, n. One to whom the interests of a part seem superior to those of the whole. The dupe of statesmen and the tool of conquerors.
A large stone presented by the archangel Gabriel to the patriarch Abraham, and preserved at Mecca. The patriarch had perhaps asked the archangel for bread.
NOISE, n. A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization.
Dictionary: a malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic
REPUBLIC, n. A nation in which, the thing governing and the thing governed being the same, there is only a permitted authority to enforce an optional obedience.
PREHISTORIC, adj. Belonging to an early period and a museum. Antedating the art and practice of perpetuating falsehood.
Philanthropist, n.: A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.
GRAPESHOT, n. An argument which the future is preparing in answer to the demands of American Socialism.
Inhumanity, n. One of the signal and characteristic qualities of humanity.
PLENIPOTENTIARY, adj. Having full power. A Minister Plenipotentiary is a diplomatist possessing absolute authority on condition that he never exert it.
PRISON, n. A place of punishments and rewards. The poet assures us that - stone walls do not a prison make.
REPARATION, n. Satisfaction that is made for a wrong and deducted from the satisfaction felt in committing it.
RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas.
In this world one must have a name; it prevents confusion, even when it does not establish identity. Some, though, are known by numbers, which also seem inadequate distinctions.
ELEGY, n. A composition in verse, in which, without employing any of the methods of humor, the writer aims to produce in the reader's mind the dampest kind of dejection.
Aristocrats: n. fellows that wear downy hats and clean shirts - guilty of education and suspected of bank accounts.
A comely female inhabiting the Mohammedan Paradise to make things cheery for the good Mussulman, whose belief in her existence marks a noble discontent with his earthly spouse, whom he denies a soul.
DISABUSE, v.t. To present your neighbor with another and better error than the one which he has deemed advantageous to embrace.
SYLLOGISM, n. A logical formula consisting of a major and a minor assumption and an inconsequent.
An aged Burgundy runs with a beardless Port. I cherish the fancy that Port speaks sentences of wisdom, Burgundy sings the inspired Ode.
gratitude, n. A sentiment lying midway between a benefit received and a benefit expected.
Children who have proven themselves to be incorrigible by the age of twelve should be quickly and quietly beheaded, lest they grow to maturity, marry, and perpetuate the likeness of their being.
Advice: The suggestions you give someone else which you hope will work for your benefit.
NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.
A popular author is one who writes what the people think. Genius invites them to think something else.
INK, n. A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic, and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of idiocy and promote intellectual crime.
REFLECTION,n: An Action of the mind whereby we obtain a clearer view of our relation to the things of yesterday and are able to avoid the perils that we shall not again encounter
Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.
What a woman most admires in a man is distinction among men. What a man most admires in a woman is devotion to himself.
PILLORY, n. A mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction - prototype of the modern newspaper conducted by persons of austere virtues and blameless lives.
