Ambrose Bierce Quotes
OBSOLETE, adj. No longer used by the timid. Said chiefly of words. A word which some lexicographer has marked obsolete is ever thereafter an object of dread and loathing to the fool writer . . .
Scriptures - The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
plagiarism, n. A literary coincidence compounded of a discreditable priority and an honorable subsequence.
Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else
FIDDLE, n. An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse's tail on the entrails of a cat.
They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
INADMISSIBLE- Not competent to be considered. Hearsay evidence is inadmissible ... but there is no religion in the world that has any other basis than hearsay evidence.
Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
The partisan strife in which the people of the country are permitted to periodically engage does not tend to the development of ugly traits of character, but merely discloses those that preexist.
Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
PLEBEIAN, n. An ancient Roman who in the blood of his country stained nothing but his hands. Distinguished from the Patrician, who was a saturated solution.
Alligator: The crocodile of America, superior in every detail to the crocodile of the effete monarchies of the Old World.
Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.
ETHNOLOGY, n. The science that treats of the various tribes of Man, as robbers, thieves, swindlers, dunces, lunatics, idiots and ethnologists.
Doubt, indulged and cherished, is in danger of becoming denial; but if honest, and bent on thorough investigation, it may soon lead to full establishment of the truth.
POLITICIAN, n. An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles, he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice.
The slightest acquaintance with history shows that powerful republics are the most warlike and unscrupulous of nations.
Definition: CONNOISSEUR, n. A specialist who knows everything about something and nothing about anything else.
Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of another.
He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.
Optimism - the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
Insurance - an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.
Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.
Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.