Ambrose Quotes

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.

RADICALISM, n. The conservatism of to-morrow injected into the affairs of to-day.

Achievement; the death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.

Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo.

Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of another.

Dams have harmed our wildlife and made rivers less useful for recreation.

Phoenix, n. The classical prototype of the modern 'small hot bird.'

PHONOGRAPH, n. An irritating toy that restores life to dead noises.

Definition: CONNOISSEUR, n. A specialist who knows everything about something and nothing about anything else.

The rich women, to avoid dividing the inheritance among many, kill their own fetus in the womb and with murderous juices extinguish in the genital chamber their children.

He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

Doubt, indulged and cherished, is in danger of becoming denial; but if honest, and bent on thorough investigation, it may soon lead to full establishment of the truth.

When in Rome, do as the Romans do.

But if these beings guard you, they do so because they have been summoned by your prayers.

A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.

Optimism - the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.

POLITICIAN, n. An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles, he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice.

A rabbit's foot may bring good luck to you, but it brought none to the rabbit.

Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.

ETHNOLOGY, n. The science that treats of the various tribes of Man, as robbers, thieves, swindlers, dunces, lunatics, idiots and ethnologists.

The slightest acquaintance with history shows that powerful republics are the most warlike and unscrupulous of nations.

Insurance - an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.

Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.

Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

One who, professing virtues that he does not respect, secures the advantage of seeming to be what he despises.

When in Rome, do as Rome does.

Evolution is baseless and quite incredible.

SORCERY, n. The ancient prototype and forerunner of political influence. It was, however, deemed less respectable and sometimes was punished by torture and death.

Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- "I think that I think, therefore I think that I am;" as close an approach to certainty as any philosopher has yet made.

To seek a justification for a decision already made.

PRE-EXISTENCE, n. An unnoted factor in creation.

LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed.

Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.

The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.

Noise: a stench in the ear.

HASH: There is no definition for this word - nobody knows what hash is.

Advice, the smallest current coin.

Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.

The American Constitution is the greatest governing document, and at some 7,000 words, just about the shortest.

The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a remarkable Christian forebearance among men.

PAIN, n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.

Liberty: One of Imagination's most precious possessions.

Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for.

Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.

Revolution, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.

CALLOUS, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another.

Consul - in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.