Amy Schumer Quotes

I am a hot-blooded fire and I am fearless.

I just want to get the most money I can.

You know that show 'Teen Mom'? Or if you're from the South, 'Mom.

I'm not extra sensitive to handshakes. I shake hands all the time.

The girls I grew up with they're living normal, adult lives. So they call me now and they're like, 'Amy, I'm pregnant.' And I still react like, 'What are you going to do? I'll drive you, I guess.

I've done some things I'm embarrassed about, and I like to tell people about them so that maybe they feel less embarrassed or alone when they do something they're unsure about.

Want me to Stevie Wonder my way to the bathroom?

I feel very open with people, and I'm good at disarming them and having conversations.

I'll never forget the day I realized I wasn't quite the Ford model I thought I was.

I have gotten death threats - that was scary. But it just made me want to use my voice more.

Isn't it funny that they say most girls have daddy issues, when really, every dude does?

Like literally, the final moments of life come to mind when I begin to love someone. I think, Will this dude push my wheelchair? And even scarier, Would I be willing to push his?

Don't be afraid to excuse yourself. Recharge for as long as you need. Lean up against a tree and take a break from the other bears. I'll be there too, but I promise not to bother you.

The saddest realization I’ve had in my life is that my parents are people. Sad, human people. I aged a decade in that moment.

I think for anyone to become good at something, they have to fail a lot too. And they have to be completely unafraid to fail or they'll never make it to the next level.