Andrew Dice Clay Quotes

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe. She had so many kids... her uterus fell out!

When you jerk off, you're saying "Hey", I care about me.

If it smells like fish its a dish. If it smells like cologne leave it alone.

Little Boy Blue... he needed the money!

I always just loved women, but more important than loving women, more important than sexual stuff, is I always believed in romance.

I've been getting in trouble my whole life and I really don't care what anybody thinks of what I do on stage as a comic.

I'll always push myself because that's the journey of life. We do go through things. Some of it's incredibly great and some of it's really bad.

Even as a stage performer, I have my garb which is leather jackets and black jeans to make me feel a certain way. The wardrobe is really important to feeling the character you're playing.

I might do cartoonish sexual jokes, but it's my way of saying what's going on in the world. How people are animals, really.

The whole world has changed, so you just stay current with the world. There's nothing different in my language of how I say things.

If Lady Gaga didn't put on all those outfits, she probably wouldn't have made it in show business. She put a show behind her voice.

I’m a Brooklyn guy onstage, and I try to really feed my fans with the kind of material they expect from me.

I want to be able to make people laugh as hard as they possibly can, and I really think they need that.

There are very few comics that understand about exciting the crowd, and that's what I always prided myself on: giving a more confident macho attitude towards delivering material.

You walk into my bedroom at night, it looks like a nightclub. There's all kinds of lighting effects, there's all kinds of music. I want them to feel like they're in for a show. I believe in romance.

Comics, a lot of them, are really depressed people, and I happen to be somebody that does have a lot of confidence. That's the odd thing about my stand-up. I am very confident. I always was.

I've always had my voice as a comic. I was never that into politics, or prop comedy.

I certainly don't walk around my home or being with my family and just using profane language all the time, but on stage, it's a constant.

I just like to make people laugh.

I like when something makes you think after you stop watching.

I never became a recluse where I got away from people and who they are and how they think. I'm very much in touch with the world.

Being onstage and performing, the high of that, and people coming to see you, and getting to make them laugh - that's what gets me hyped up. It's a nervous excitement.

I always believed you could fix whatever problems.

I like real girls. When they're in bed with you, it's not a show. They just want to do that.

When I do any stand-up, you're the writer, director, and producer. You're alone.

I loved my family so much when I was growing up, my parents, my sister. I wanted to be able to give them everything they ever dreamed of.