Andy Rooney Quotes

We aren't consistent in our treatment of animals.

We can all be prouder to be human beings, because that's what they were. They make up for a lot of liars, cheats, and terrorists among us.

Most college students are not as smart as most college presidents.

The dullest Olympic sport is curling, whatever 'curling' means.

Numbers are the most certain things we have.

My own time is passing fast enough without some national game to help it along.

No one likes the house next door to look worse or a lot better than his own.

It's paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.

If you smile when you are alone, then you really mean it.

It’s just amazing how long this country has been going to hell without ever having got there.

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly.

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.