Anonymous. Quotes

Much learning doth make thee mad.

One who has both feet firmly planted in the air.

Liberty is always unfinished business.

For my family to go on living the way they are living now I can't just die. I've got to die accidentally.

The other night while lying on a couch I reviewed the high point of my life and fell asleep!

He wasn't one who wanted to look back on his life and say "I wish I spent more time in the office."

Being of sound mind I spent every cent I ever had.

If you don't go to people's funerals they won't come to yours.

Life is a handful of short stories pretending to be a novel.

There is no better exercise for strengthening the heart than reaching down and lifting up another.

Life is a jig saw puzzle with most of the pieces missing.

Cheerfulness is contagious but don't wait to catch it from others. Be a carrier.

It's easy enough to be pleasant when everything goes like a song but the man who is worthwhile is the man who can smile when everything goes dead wrong.

Literature is a power to be possessed not a body of objects to be studied.

Good children's literature appeals not only to the child in the adult but to the adult in the child.

Her figure is harder to ignore than a ringing telephone.

A big advantage of being bald is that you can style your hair with a damp cloth.

Definition of a bridegroom: A man who is amazed at the outcome of what he thought was a harmless little flirtation.

Before criticizing your wife's faults remember that they may have prevented her from getting a better husband.

When you see a married couple coming down the street the one who is two or three steps ahead is the one who's mad.

It's not that I'm too particular. It's just that I'm going to wait for Dr. Right.

I don't like being best man at a wedding 'cause there's no way to prove it.

Definition of a bachelor: A man who likes to invite girls over for a Scotch and sofa.

No woman ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.

The last word in an argument is what a wife has. Anything a husband says after that is the beginning of another argument.

He loved her for what she was - rich. He worshiped the ground her family struck oil on.

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is at all times? A widow.

Arguing with my wife is like this: "I came! I saw! I concurred!"

A smart husband buys his wife very fine china so she won't trust him to wash it.

They were married for better or worse. He couldn't have done better and she couldn't have done worse.

The man who boasts he never made a mistake is often married to the woman who did.

This is a perfect pair - he's a hypochondriac and she's a pill.

You might try doing what my folks did. Twice a week they would go out for a special meal. . . with wine good food and soft lighting. Dad took Tuesday and Mom took Thursday.

He had a great sound system - but he didn't know much about fidelity.

After our honeymoon I felt like a new man. She said she did too.

My wife divorced me because of illness. She got sick of me.

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first divorced me and the second won't.

For their last anniversary she gave him a set of luggage - packed.

A faithful husband is one whose alimony check is always on time.

Not all of his relationships were meant to end . . . Once he sent a postcard and inadvertently wrote "Wish you were her."

Going shopping with your husband is like his going fishing with the game warden.

In the act of loving someone you arm them against you.

Man loves little and often woman much and rarely.

Luck always seems to be against the man who depends on it.

Good luck is often with the man who doesn't include it in his plans.

Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will but it didn't work for the rabbit!

Good luck is a lazy man's estimate of a worker's success.

A husband always prefers his wife's mother-in-law to his own.

Marriage is a romance in which the hero dies in the first chapter.

He who has the fastest cart never has a bad lie.