Anonymous Quotes

Learn as if you were going to live forever. Live as if you were going to die tomorrow.

Unless each day can be looked back upon by an individual as one in which he has had some fun some joy some real satisfaction that day is a loss.

A day is a span of time no one is wealthy enough to waste.

Time is the arbitrary division of eternity.

An hour of pain is as long as a day of pleasure.

Time is the tyrant of the body.

Time is the dressing room for eternity.

As my mother used to say: "Mimic a duck act calm and unruffled on the surface but paddle like crazy underneath."

Some people might say that I think too highly of you just because I worship the water you walk on.

An evening like this would be empty without some reference to [politics] so let's just think of this as empty.

I was chosen to speak due to my warm personality. . . . Look up warm and it means "not so hot."

A speech that's full of sparkling wit will keep its hearer grinning provided its end is close to its beginning.

The recipe for a good speech includes some shortening.

We noticed a crasher at the bar - that shows what a real man he is - he's here to show he's not ticked for not being asked.

Response to clapping: "Thank you for ovating."

When I told her we were going to roast her she said "Of course . . . they only crucify the innocent."

As one skeleton said to the other - if I had any guts I'd get the heck out of here.

Thanks for the nice introduction. Next to my resume that's the closest I'll ever come to perfection.

We were worried that our main speaker wouldn't be able to make it tonight. But fortunately due to a hole in the prosecution's case . . .

I hope you will excuse my being late. The person in this organization who gave me directions here has obviously heard me speak before.

When I was preparing for this speech I asked my family for advice. One member replied "There's a first time for everything so try to be funny and brief."

Most experts suggest that one should open with a joke. Obviously they've never heard me tell a joke.

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I'm pleased to be with you. (Pause) That concludes my prepared remarks.

I'm moving down here . . . because some of you in the back might not be able to hear my talk . . . and that wouldn't be fair to those who can hear it.

Opportunity knocks but once.

Optimism: A cheerful frame of mind that enables a tea kettle to sing though in hot water up to its nose.

An optimist sees an opportunity in every calamity a pessimist sees a calamity in every opportunity.

Have a place for everything and have everything in its place.

The apples on the other side of the wall are the sweetest.

Acorns were good till bread was found.

What makes us discontented with our condition is the absurdly exaggerated idea we have of the happiness of others.

FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real.

Better a fearful end than fear without end.

Keep a thing seven years and you will find a use for it.

Man endures pain as an undeserved punishment woman accepts it as a natural heritage.

Anything which parents have not learned from experience they can now learn from their children.

A mother is a person who if she is not there when you get home from school you wouldn't know how to get your dinner and you wouldn't feel like eating it anyway.

If love is blind why is lingerie so popular?

Love - a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain causes eyes to sparkle cheeks to glow blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker.

When at night you cannot sleep talk to the Shepherd and stop counting sheep.

Peace is not the absence of conflict but the presence of God no matter what the conflict.

Doubt not but God who sits on high Thy secret prayers can hear When a dead wall thus cunningly Conveys soft whispers to the ear.

It is impossible to lose your footing while on your knees.

Man is the only creature which rises by bowing for he finds elevation in his subjection to his Maker.

Nothing is discussed more and practiced less than prayer.

The wings of prayer carry high and far.

Experience is the one thing you have plenty of when you're too old to get the job.

Professional life is like a fire hydrant. You spend all of your time putting out fires and standing your ground against the big dogs.

Downsizing means you're about to become the guest of honor at a going-away party.

Amazing things start happening when we start praying!