Bernard Quotes

I wish people would stop talking about my birthday.

All roads end at the grave, which is the gate to nothingness.

We are told that when Jehovah created the world he saw that it was good what would he say now

What a man is depends on his character; but what he does, and what we think of what he does, depends on his circumstances.

Of all the damnable waste of human life that ever was invented, clerking is the worst.

I was a cannibal for twenty-five years. For the rest I have been a vegetarian.

I like flowers, I also like children, but I do not chop their heads off and keep them in bowls of water around the house.

A contract for better for worse is a contract that should not be tolerated.

Life is a disease; and the only difference between on man and another is the stage of the disease at which he lives.

There is only one universal passion fear.

I don't believe in morality . I'm a disciple of Bernard Shaw.

Just as I cannot remember any time when I could not read and write, I cannot remember any time when I did not exercise my imagination in daydreams about women.

This planet is obviously being used as an insane asylum by other planets.

Optimistic lies have such immense therapeutic value that a doctor who cannot tell them convincingly has mistaken his profession.

The conversion of a savage to Christianity is the conversion of Christianity to savagery.

Shall I turn up the light for you? No, give me deeper darkness. Money is not made in the light.

People who are hard, grasping and always ready to take advantage of their neighbors become very rich.

The British are apt to make merits of their stupidities, and to represent their various incapacities as points of good breeding.

It is assumed that the woman must wait, motionless, until she is wooed. That is how the spider waits for the fly.

The one point on which all women are in furious secret rebellion against the existing law is the saddling of the right to a child with the obligation to become the servant of a man.

Nothing makes a man so selfish as work.

You can easily find people who are ten times as rich at sixty as they were at twenty but not one of them will tell you that they are ten times as happy

Whether you think Jesus was God or not, you must admit he was a first-rate political economist.

A married man forms married habits and becomes dependent on marriage just as a sailor becomes dependent on the sea.

Oh, well, if you want original conversations, you'd better go and talk to yourself.

When it comes to the point, really bad men are just as rare as really good ones.

My friend, when a man has anything to tell in this world, the difficulty is not to make him tell it, but to prevent him from telling it too often.

The British churchgoer prefers a severe preacher because he thinks a few home truths will do his neighbors no harm.

I know I began as a passion and have ended as a habit , like all husbands .

You practically do not use semicolons at all. This is a symptom of mental defectiveness, probably induced by camp life.

God's trustiest lieutenants often lack official credentials. They may be professed atheists who are also men of honour and high public spirit.

You know well I couldn't bear to live with a low common man after you two; and it's wicked and cruel of you to insult me by pretending I could.

Greatness is one of the sensations of littleness

Like fingerprints, all marriages are different.

All government is cruel; for nothing is so cruel as impunity.

We must reform society before we can reform ourselves.

Have you no morals, man?' 'Can't afford them,Governor.

Fashions are induced epidemics.

A great social reformer.

The most sublime courage I have ever witnessed has been among that class too poor to know they possessed it, and too humble for the world to discover it.

No severity of punishment deters when detection is uncertain, as it always must be.

If parents would only realize how they bore their children.

Whenever you wish to do anything against the law, Cicely, always consult a good solicitor first.

The hand of the painter is incurably mechanical: his technique is incurably artificial... The camera... is so utterly unmechanical.

I never accepted a knighthood because to me, is honour enough?

Every profession is a conspiracy against the laity.

It's so hard to know what to do when one wishes earnestly to do right.

I knew if I waited around long enough something like this would happen.

For four wicked centuries the world has dreamed this foolish dream of efficiency; and the end is not yet. But the end will come.

A miracle, my friend, is an event which creates faith.