Bill Cosby Quotes

Don't let your victories go to your head, or your failures go to your heart.

I'm not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it, I don't know when I lost it, I don't really think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job...and I don't want it!

You can teach an old dog new tricks. You just don't want to see the dog doing them.

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.

Every father says the same thing: “Where's your mother?”

Intellectuals are people who go to study things other people do naturally.

Old is always fifteen years from now.

Social networking helps reach people easier and quicker.

I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't.

The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic.

All parents experience the same problems.

Fatherhood is telling your daughter that Michael Jackson loves all his fans, but has special feelings for the ones who eat broccoli.

In spite of what Thomas Jefferson wrote, all men may be created equal, but not to all women.

When you introduce competition into the public school system, most studies show that schools start to do better when they are competing for students.

If you know what you want, you will recognize it when you see it.

When you graduate from college, they tell you to follow your dreams. Does anyone say you have to wake up first?

When you carry a gun, you mean to harm somebody, kill somebody.

There are some people who have trouble recognizing a mess.

When I say, 'I don't care what white people think,' I mean that.

Criticizing is easy, art is difficult.

Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.

You can't compete with Walmart. But you can have smaller businesses that are successful.

The secret of success is to be like a duck, Smooth and unruffled on top, But paddling furiously underneath.

I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.

Man can not live by bread alone ... he must have peanut butter.

Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.

The first-born in every family is always dreaming for an imaginary older brother or sister who will look out for them.

I have to follow my thoughts and mine for the gold. I have to dig it out.

I want all this loud profanity in the street stopped. I want people to think about choices.

Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first.

We are the only animals that let our kids come back home.

Romance is a different word than sexual contact.

My children love my mother, and I tell my children, that is not the same woman I grew up with...That is an old woman trying to get into heaven now.

That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked.

It is a point of pride for the American male to keep the same size jockey shorts for his entire life.

Family is conflict and it's something that we all relate to.

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.

The essence of childhood, of course, is play.

If you know two languages, the level of your intelligence is multiplied a hundredfold in other people's eyes.

The problem is that your daughter has given her heart to a 15-year-old boy, and a 15-year-old boy does not yet qualify as a human being.

George Carlin is brilliant with words, and Johnny Winters is very creative. It's taking something common and drawing out the humor, being clever with words.

My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood, but it didn't because parenting can only be learned by people who have no children.

Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.

It is a warning, Godspeed. It means you are no longer welcome here at these prices.

Why do kids always say peace out, I though peace was in.

People will frighten you about a graduation.... They use words you don't hear often: And we wish you Godspeed." It is a warning, Godspeed. It means you are no longer welcome here at these prices."

Parents are people who yell and they yell and they yell and they yell. And you already have the point... and they're still yelling.

My grandfather said, "When you become senile, you won't know it."

Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger.