Billy Connolly Quotes

When you involved in an accident and someone asks "are you alright?" Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.

People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

I am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make it worse. That's what girls do. I think I am a girl really.

I like Salvador Dali and Rene Magritte. I also like the Scottish artist John Byrne, another surrealist.

Sometimes there's a tackiness about Route 66 that out-tacks any tackiness I've ever seen anywhere else. And the Meramec Caverns are the pinnacle of that tack.

I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.

There's nothing better than a fight, especially when you're watching it from a safe place. You can yell encouragement! Hit him with the left, he's a big Jessie!

I can't believe in Christianity, but I think Jesus was a wonderful teacher.

People die all the time. It's just that you're not around.

I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe in God, but I don't think I do. But I believe in people who do.

I've been very lucky because I've always had movies to do. So if I got bored between shows a movie would turn up.

Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn't too nice a thing to do.

I've always liked it here. Part of me is Irish. My family comes from the west coast, so whenever I come to Ireland I get a wee tingling in my heart that I'm where I belong.

When I read 'Be real, don't get caught acting,' I thought, 'How the hell do you do that?'.

I?m much bigger in Britain than I am there. I'm well-known, but my name's That Guy in America. . . . People shout: "Hey ? I know you! You're That Guy.".

I still do my comedy and my performance stuff and my acting so it's not all-consuming. But I do find myself drawing more and more these days.

I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.

I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.

The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things... after the weather.

Try to live in a place you like.

Don't work out, work in.

I don't aim to offend.

Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.

As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It's something they reserve just for me.

I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe in God but I don't think I do. But I believe in people who do.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever becoming one.”"Don't vote. It just encourages them....

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far.