Bob Hope Quotes
Now that the war is winding down, I want to say I do appreciate you fellows hanging around here - just for me.
My folks were English. They were too poor to be British. I still have a bit of British in me. In fact, my blood type is solid marmalade.
Vice President Spiro Agnew can not cheat on his score : because all you have to do is look back down the fairway and count the wounded.
I never kick my ball in the rough or improve my lie in a sand trap. For that I have a caddie.
The stealth bomber is supposed to be a big deal. It flies in undetected, bombs, then flies away. Hell, I've been doing that all my life.
It's amazing how many people you see on TV. I did my first television show a month ago, and the next day five million television sets were sold. The people who couldn't sell theirs threw them away.
I like to come to Washington, D.C., at least once a year. Why should my tax money travel more than I do?
Perfume acts as an anesthetic. By the time she floats a little your way, you'll promise her anything.
Louis B. Mayer came out west with $28.00, a box camera and an old lion. He built a monument to himself -- the Bank of America.
Golf is my real profession. Entertainment is just a sideline. I tell jokes to pay my greens fees.
Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series.
Everybody is afraid they won't have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in.
Golf is a funny game. It's done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the healthiest idiot in the world.
It's very frustrating making a picture in Paris. We work hard all day at the studio to get a love scene just right. Then, on my way home, I see couples on every street corner doing it better.
There's a very apt saying in show business: "If you don't go over budget in Paris, you're either very rich or very sick. "
We're on our way to the Persian Gulf. Wait! It's a mistake! I thought they said Persian Golf.
I don't bother to look for parking space anymore. As soon as I get near Hollywood Boulevard ... I sell.
Congress may be going home for the holidays soon. How can you beat a Christmas gift like that?
The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we can subsidize the Government.
I can't understand what's holding up our missile program. It's the first time the government ever had trouble making the taxpayers' money go up in smoke.
Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking.
America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan - Go for the Gold.
Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn't know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He's always had an agent for that.
Every Naval vessel has a contingent of Marines aboard. After all, the Sailors have to have someone to dance with.
Democrats have an answer to the unemployment problem. They're all running for the Presidency.
I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight - and that was just their hair.
It was a typically British birth... I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward... I came out in sympathy.
Sure, we did need the oil in America. How else could Dolly Parton get into some of her dresses?
I once showed Pat Bradley my swing and said, 'What do I do next?' Pat replied, 'Wait till the pain dies down.'
Milton Hope led the singing of Happy Birthday ... He would say, 'Keep it sweet and short and don't try to be funny.'
