Bob Hope Quotes

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water.

It's a wonderful world. It may destroy itself but you'll be able to watch it all on TV.

I led such a sheltered life I didn't go out with girls until I was almost four.

I've always felt England was a great place for a comic to work. It's an island and the audience can't run very far.

Timing is the essence of life, and definitely of comedy.

I left England when I was four because I found out I could never be King.

I've never wanted an Oscar, although they are reassuring to an actor who doesn't know how really great he is.

Audiences are my best friends. You never tire of talking with your best friends.

English clubs are very exclusive. I played Royal Foxshire and they made me wear a suit and tie. . . in the shower.

YOU CAN ONLY DO ONE THING AT A TIME SO CONCENTRATE ON IT.

I need money. I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support.

I knew the President would run for reelection in 1984. Why not? Actors love sequels ... and returns.

Did you see where President Reagan finally got a hearing aid? People have been telling him to get one for years, but he couldn't hear them.

The workers love Khrushchev very much. He hasn't got an enemy in the entire country. Quite a few under it.

The last time I played golf with President Ford he hit a birdie. And an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark...

The high point of the act is when he (Uri Durov) puts his head inside the bear's huge jaws. I wouldn't even try that with my agent.

Lots of travel, away from home.

The Governor has no presidential aspirations. In fact he just made a tour of 43 states just to tell them he's not running for anything.

I've been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.

Tokyo cab drivers are all ex-kamikaze pilots.

Arnold Palmer is the biggest crowd pleaser since the invention of the portable sanitary facility.

On one hole, I hit an alligator so hard, he's now my golf bag.

The audience was swell. They were so polite they covered their mouths when they yawned.

We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back.

You know, marriage is making a big comeback. I know personally that in Hollywood people are marrying people they never married before.

The help (in Japan) is very polite. They bow so much, you don't know which end to talk to.

I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.

Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.

Today's ballroom dances like the swim, the frug, the chicken and the monkey are really nervous disorders set to music.

I can't give up Golf, I've got too many sweaters.

Take nine strokes off your score. Skip the last hole.

Dying is to be avoided because it can ruin your whole career.

Jimmy Stewart could have been a good golfer, but he speaks so slowly that by the time he yells 'Fore!' the guy he's hit is already in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.

At the Academy Award Dinners all the actors and actresses in Hollywood gather around to see what someone else thinks about their acting besides their press agents.

To give you an idea of how fast we travelled - we left with two rabbits and when we arrived we still had only two.

Sure Vietnam is a dirty war. I've never heard of a clean one.

My old friend Jack Benny has only had one ball all his golfing life. And now he's lost it. The string came off!

She spoke perfect English, which led to considerable trouble. She couldn't understand us at all.

Miniskirts have become quite a fad. They're even some guys wearing them. Don't laugh, if you had thought to of that, you'd not be here now.

It flies so high, I swear I heard the organs playing.

You can calculate Zsa Zsa Gabor's age by the rings on her fingers.

Having so many gold courses so close together was ideal for me. With my slice I could enjoy three or four golf courses at the same time.

Television. That's where movies go when they die.

If I had that kind of money, I wouldn't come to Vietnam, I'd send for it.

As soon as the war ended, we located the one spot on earth that hadn't been touched by the war and blew it to hell.

I've been married fifty-five years and I've been home three weeks.

I've been playing golf a long time, although it's not really true that on my first round they strapped my bag on the back of a dinosaur.

I was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have done the whole thing over for, oh, perhaps half.

Please don't stand up on my account.

All British castles and old country homes are supposed to be haunted. It's in the lease.