Bob Saget Quotes

I'm psyched about what I can contribute that can be meaningful to myself and to others.

I like to approach every day like it's my first, so this morning when I woke up I covered my body with red gelatin.

Met a girl the other nite and told her- Before you can be with someone you have to know the value of yourself. So does $200 seem reasonable?

Beautiful clear day in Beverly Hills. The sweet smell of Botox is in the air.

Words matter. Especially ones with four letters.

Wise men say, only fools rush in. Wise men are so slow.

My humor was kind of from my dad and all the stuff that we went through, which was a lot of death. My humor was an escape.

All I've ever done is try to entertain my way through a life that often has a huge amount of heaviness in it.

Friend of mine just told me he used to be a bad alcoholic. I calmed him down. Told him he was a good alcoholic just a horrible drinker.

I have no plan except to take care of the people I love.

The secret to raising children is to love them... And teach them to operate in a way you can tolerate them the best.

My favorite Dylan song? I think it's 'Just Like a Woman.' It always makes me cry.

In the creative sense, I'm looking forward to collaborating with people I have mutual respect for to create some really good work.

Saw a man in Whole Foods yelling at his son, What are you doing?! You know I don't eat bread!! Is there such a thing as health food abuse?

Think well of yourself and others will too. Unless those others are in government, banking, or show business.

The greatness of a man is only measured by his urologist.

Ladies, apologies, but isn't 'vintage' just used stuff?

As time goes on, the more I value doctors and plumbers. Doctors a little more. I can fix my own toilet but I still can't operate on myself.

They say, Keep your enemies closer. But what if you live with them?

If I ever die, I want it to be cause I got hit by a car saving a kid.

Some people rely on rumors and gossip because they are devoid of any original thought.

Aristotle said, Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. Isn't that a three-way?

If you go with Marshall McLuhan's theory that the medium is the message, as soon as you're hosting a blooper show, you're done.

Around comics, I've always been known for, oh, that's not dirty, this is dirty.

And turkeys are a bird. A very nervous bird. You'd be nervous too if you knew that one day you'd get your head cut off and... filled with stuffing.

I think comedy is on an organic upsurge right now because when I started, it was 1978 at The Comedy Store and Letterman had just stopped emceeing his morning show.

The favorite method of vice is to diss all responsibility be work or social, go off by myself, and enjoy a good steak and a great glass of wine. Oh yeah, and my kids are there too.

My favorite procrastination is to make the choice to have valuable times with human beings that I care about instead of holing myself up alone to get my work done.

Nothing worse than a piece of dried out fish.

I love my mom! You can too for $12!

I have no agenda, nothing to control.

I am stressed because once I am flattened out so thin to be able to slide under a doorway, I may never be able to ever be unflattened so I could be regular sized again.

I will always prefer a hardback book, but I'm drawn to digital because it's so easy to acquire them when I'm having a need-to-read moment.

I just did a play in New York which has been my best experience that Ive had for maybe ever. It was Paul Weitzs play called Privilege and I was in New York for three months.

If you're hanging out with two negative people, do they equal one positive person?

Just went to the gym and worked on every body part. Four people slapped me.

Apparently my street has a leaf blower gang who tag team all day, so the sounds of the leaf blower are forever blowing from dawn to dusk.

Just went to a lovely Catholic wedding. I need a drink. They didn't even offer us water. Well they did, but it was Holy water.

Concerned we're in a time where politicians can't even fake sincerity. Aren't they supposed to be good at that?

My wife is a saint. She's Gandhi. She walks around in diapers and won't eat.

A lot of people ask me what my favorite episode of Full House was, I always tell them: it was the last one!

A lot of the comedians don't even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.

I love telling stories and acting and entertaining people. I don't want to make fun of people.

Some dead people said smart stuff.

I don't like to drink alone 'cause there's nobody to fight with.

Found a bunch of old shower caps in my house. Was gonna throw them out but realized they make excellent porta potties for long road trips.

My confidence wavers between being genuine and being insecure.

I don't censor myself, but I don't want to force my sick-skewed version of the world, either.

I become a chameleon for wherever I am.

My mom told me she thinks a man in the market felt her up today. I asked, Where did he touch you? She said, On my knee, Bobby.