Christopher Moore Quotes
All fear comes from trying to see the future, Biff. If you know what is coming, you aren't afraid.
Yo, yo, yo, check it out," said PJ, with enough hand gestures that any deaf person watching would have thought he had ASL Tourette's syndrome
I wanted a trumpet concerto that reflected Native American music because, well, there aren't any. I looked around for one but couldn't find anything. So it's a wide-open field.
This is the man who called the fire department when the toilet backed up, and I'm asking him for help. What was I thinking? Why am I attracted to weak men?
Just because he was pretty didn't mean he couldn't be improved by a smack upside the head with a piece of earnest hickory
You're trying to be tricky. What's morality?" "It's the difference between what's right and what you can rationalize." "Must be a human thing." "Exactly.
She's so obnoxious. Like a whole Saturday night drunk tank full of obnoxious packed into one little body." Detective Cavuto
...One time you take a hundred thousand dollars and let a vampire go, the whole world turns on you like you're some kind of bad guy.
Ooo ahe-e, I aya oa a," she said in yawnspeak, a language - not unlike Hawaiian - known for its paucity of consonants.
Lonliness evaporated off of them like the steam off dry ice, and by morning it was just a cloud on the ceiling of the room, then gone with the light.
Most of us don't live our lives with one, integrated self that meets the world, we're a whole bunch of selves.
Kayso, it turns out that driving an actual car is way harder than it is in 'Grand Theft Auto: Zombie Hooker Smackdown.
Marry for love, stay married, and raise happy children who are quick to laugh and slow to judge.
Like most Beta Males, he didn't realize that being a good guy was not necessarily an attraction to women.
So I am death" Charlie said then turned to his daughter while buttering his toast. "This is death toast sweety.
After all the evidence is in--after you've run all the facts by everything you know--and you're still lost, you have to do some things on faith.
You know, there's a 12 step program for gambling. You should look into that. Twelve steps. Coyote laughed. I'll bet I can do it in six.
You were supposed to empathize with your friend's problem, but they were, after all, your friend's problems.
She pulled down the blanket and aimed baby Sophie's bottom at him like she might unleash a fusillade of weapons-grade poopage such as the guileless Beta Male had never seen.
No one knows why, but second only to eating the brains of the living, the dead love affordable prefab furniture.
The gourney, the big file drawers of the dead, the instruments of dissection - this sure looked like the morgues in the movies. Something had gone seriously wrong while she slept.
Chapter 8, Dinner With the Vampire: Is there something wrong with your food?" No, I'm just not very hungry." You're going to break my heart, aren't you?
It's very difficult to stay angry when a room full of bald guys in orange robes start giggling. Buddhism.
I like a girl with a substantial bottom,' said Renoir, drawing in the air the size bottom he preferred.
I'm thinking of being a professional mourner. How hard can it be? Tear at your hair, sing a dirge or two, take the rest of the week off.
And he was like "The sedative in the blood, blah, blah, four hours, blah, blah, nerdspeak, geektalk -" -Abby
It's Christmas! Ah, Christmas, the time when all good people go about not decapitating each other.
It's hard for me, a Jew, to stay in the moment. Without the past, where is the guilt? And without the future, where is the dread? And without guilt and dread, who am I?