Colin Quinn Quotes

I think Helen of Troy must have been pretty hot. She got two countries going crazy for 10 years over her.

You can’t make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.

I know nowadays the common wisdom is to celebrate diversity as long as you don't point out that people are different.

I'm just another guy who thinks he's smarter than he is, in a long line of them.

The ancient Greeks were the first ones to say an unexamined life is not worth living. They don't tell you of course what we found out, an examined life not that fascinating either.

People say history is boring, and that is true because people are boring. We haven't changed since time began. We're still the same.

So instead of talking about theoretical ways of ending the war and violence, I say that we have to get rid of the individual asholes in each office and situation.

The earth is a used Kleenex on the universe's nightstand.

Twitter is one of those dangerous toys that if it gets in the hands of the wrong person you'll have the mind of a 12-year-old masquerading as an adult.

I get the impression the English kings were witty, for some reason. I feel like all you had was your wit.

I think everyone should own six guns, even though I don't own any.

Marie Antoinette was funny, I'm sure she was just misinterpreted. You know the 'Let them eat cake' line. She seems like she was kind of funny, like a Chelsea Handler or Kathy Griffin type.

You can't make money on Broadway. You make nothing. You maybe make like $1,350 a week after you pay out all the producers.

I would say most comedians have a very cynical worldview of the way the world can work. It's almost like if you didn't, you couldn't be a comedian.

Well... you know, I would wake up with a terrible hangover in a jail somewhere and worst part was that I would not know why I was there.

The mistake that people make in stand-up is thinking they're profound or they're deep when there are so many people who have more worthwhile ways of phrasing things.

My stand-up act? I combine the fact that the world is a violent place with the fact that each person is responsible for the situation they are in.

It was tumultuous, it was crazy, but I would not trade it for anything.

People say history was written by the winners. No, it wasn't. It was written by the bullies.

Everybody's got a different sense of humor. It's just different styles.

That’s the beauty of being a comedian: it’s the one job you’re allowed to do that. We’re lucky. We’re really lucky.

I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person, it's not a good place for you to be.

My name has zero value.

Somehow, it was so happy a time. Those early days of comedy are when you get addicted to it.

I'm quietly becoming New York's premiere actor. People don't understand. They have me pigeon-holed as a comedian.

I'm not a big method actor. I'm much more superficial.

Everybody's funny in different ways.

I don't know any comedian who tailors his act to his audience. Maybe people say they do, but I can't even imagine them.

With comedians, you have that understanding that we're trying to get laughs.

Stand-up is live, so I'm used to being live for most of my career. It's interesting.

I always wanted to write as much as perform.

I'm always working on stuff. But they never materialize. I'm always working on movies and TV shows.

I think if you try to tailor your act to anybody, you end up with an act that doesn't work anyway.

The only people who like to live alone more than comics are priests.

Everybody says before reviews come out, 'Oh, reviews don't matter,' just in case they're bad; everyone want to brace themselves.

I write all the time - I write poetry, I love to write

I've been to Japan, I've been to China, I've been to Africa, I've been to the Middle East, I've been to Europe a little bit. I've never been to South America.

I think I identify more with the smart guy, but most people might take umbrage at that. I like to think of myself as a real thinker, but I suppose people might beg to differ.

People's - most people's job is talking about the future or like money not even in the present tense. It's not even paper.

I love people, I love studying people more than history. So whatever situation I see, then I look at, what were the people like, more than history itself.

A lot of lip service gets paid to being honest, but no one really wants to hear it unless what's being said is the party line.

You can't make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.

I write all the time - I write poetry, I love to write.