Conan O'Brien Quotes

Today, Angelina Jolie met with Pope Francis at the Vatican. Long story short: She adopted him.

California's 74-year-old Senator Barbara Boxer announced she will not run for re-election in 2016. When I saw the headline '74-Year-Old Boxer,' I assumed they were making another 'Rocky' movie.

Patriots quarterback Tom Brady says he thinks it would be great if Donald Trump was president. Which is really weird because I thought Brady didn't like things that are filled with too much air.

I'm a paranoid person. And I think - I'm the kind of person that can come up with lots of negative scenarios. But I remembered thinking that seemed like - that was a stretch even for me.

When all else fails, there's always delusion.

Applaud my idiocy.

A study in the Washington Post says that women havebetter verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.

There is nothing more liberating than having your worst fear realized.

Thirty-five things have to go wrong for the best thing to happen in your career