Daniel Handler Quotes

and what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of a journey.

Just because something is traditional is no reason to do it, of course.

Can't we sleep ten minutes more? I was having a lovely dream about sneezing without covering my mouth, and giving everybody germs.

Blinded following the Blindfolded

Just because something is typed-whether it is typed on a business card or typed in a newspaper or book-this does not mean that it is true.

I like to give people novels I think they would like, on no particular occasion - just when we're in a bookstore together. I like to receive reference books on my birthday.

I think pirates, like astronauts, particularly for a boy, are always kind of worth thinking about.

For Beatrice, summer without you is as cold as winter. Winter without you, is even colder.

For Beatrice, when we met, my life began. Soon afterwards, yours ended.

There are two types of panicking: standing still and not saying a word, and leaping all over the place babbling anything that comes into your head.

Blank paper has always inspired me.

If you have ever lost a loved one, then you know exactly how it feels. And if you have not, then you cannot possibly imagine it.

You know, there's a big world out there filled with desperate orphans who would gladly swim across an ocean of thumbtacks just to be eclipsed by the long shadow that is cast by my accomplishments.

Arguing with somebody is never pleasant, but sometimes it is useful and necessary to do so.

Dead women tell no tales. Sad men write them down.

Waiting is one of life’s hardships.

For Beatrice, when we first met, I was lonely, and you were pretty. Now I am pretty lonely.

Tea should be as bitter as wormwod and as sharp as a two eged sword Kit Snicket (a series of unfortunate events)

What happens in a certain place can stain your feelings for that location, just as ink can stain a white sheet.

Shyness is a curious thing, because, like quicksand, it can strike people at any time, and also, like quicksand, it usually makes its victims look down.

Sometimes even in most unfortunate of lives there will occur a moment or two of good.

Love can smack you like a seagull, and pour all over your feet like junkmail. You can't be ready for such a thing any more than salt water taffy gets you ready for the ocean.

The difference between a house and a home is like the difference between a man and a woman-- it might be embarrassing to explain, but it would be very unusual to get them confused.

The children of this world and the adults of this world are in entirely separate boats and only drift near each other when we need a ride from someone or when someone needs us to wash our hands.

Even though there are no ways of knowing for sure, there are ways of knowing for pretty sure.

Either you have the feeling or you don't. Hawk Davies

I found powerful the idea that everything we have is, in effect, stolen from everybody else.

I was so grateful that Lemony Snicket wasn't the worst movie ever made that I overlooked many things that might have otherwise upset me.

The smell of cooking food is often a calming one.

Nobody wants to hear that you will try your best. It is the wrong thing to say. It is like saying 'I probably won't hit you with a shovel.' Suddenly everyone is afraid you will do the opposite.

Boredom is not black licorice, Snicket," she said. "There's no reason to share it with me.

Tears are curious things, for like earthquakes or puppet shows, they can occur at any time, without any warning and without any good reason.

It is a lonely feeling when someone you care about becomes a stranger.

Any playlist without Prince is no friend of mine.

Having an aura of menace is like having a pet weasel, because you rarely meet someone who has one, and when you do, it makes you want to hide under the coffee table.

If you are trying to fool a farsighted or dimwitted person, a veiled facial disguise might be enough.

Everything else has vanished, so you take them now. Maybe if you're the one keeping them, I'll be the one feeling better.

And then like a song we'd forgotten was even on the mix, you stepped into the house and my whole life.

The movie was kickass, which was appropriate, because tonight it was called Kickass: The Movie.

Like People, animals will become frightened and likely do whatever you say if you whip them enough.

Tell me what it is, or prepare to eat harpoon.

I go to bed early and rise late and feel as if I have hardly slept, probably because I have been reading almost the entire time.

I want to love you and take you pretty places. Yes, I have things wrong, but also I can walk through walls if you'll let me show you.

We laughed the rest of the way, because the point of this story is, it is not the cookies. It is the love.

If you enjoy books with happy endings than you are better off reading some other book.

Or why you are wearing a picture of Santa Clause on you shirts, but-” “It’s Herman Melville.

Members of your family might say they are working hard all day long, while you are off at school or clarinet lessons, but the only way to know this for sure is to follow them at a discreet distance.

Sometimes words are not enough.

Sometimes when someone tells a ridiculous lie, it is best to ignore it entirely.

One of the remarkable things about love is that, despite very irritating people writing poems and songs about how pleasant it is, it really is quite pleasant.