Daniel Handler Quotes

Most schools have a loud system of loud bells, which startle the students and teachers at regular intervals and remind them that time is passing even more slowly than it seems.

Nowhere in the world is safe," Count Olaf said. Not with you around," Violet agreed. I'm no worse than anyone else," Count Olaf said.

Life isn't fair," he said, in his undisguised voice, and for once the Baudelaire orphans agreed with every word the man said.

Grief, a type of sadness that most often occurs when you have lost someone you love, is a sneaky thing, because it can disappear for a long time, and then pop back up when you least expect it.

How can someone so wonderful do something so terrible?

Hal is on his way." The nurse announced reentering the room.

Today was a very cold and bitter day, as cold and bitter as a cup of hot chocolate, if the cup of hot chocolate had vinegar added to it and were placed in a refrigerator for several hours.

This toast feels raw. Is it safe to eat raw toast?

Every night I give a violin recital for six hours, and attendance is mandatory. The word 'mandatory' means that if you don't show up, you have to buy me a large bag of candy and watch me eat it.

If you like books with happy endings then put this book down immediately.

After a certain age, you couldn't even say where you were from. You went someplace, and lived there. And then you went someplace else.

As I am sure you know, when people say 'It's my pleasure,' they usually mean something along the lines of, 'There's nothing on Earth I would rather do less.' [...]

There is no worse sound in the world than someone who cannot play the violin but insists on doing so anyway.

It is often said that reading is a gift, but to my mind that is an insufficient description, for the size of the gift of reading is so vast that it is difficult to see what is outside its wrapping.

The hallway was lined with numbered doors, odd numbers on one side and even numbers on the other, and large ornamental vases, too large to hold flowers and too small to hold spies.

The only thing he cares about.

Get out of my way, you cakesniffers!” said a rude, violent, and filthy little girl, shoving the Baudelaire orphans aside as she dashed by.

...there's not enough ink and paper to say all I wanted.

That night it felt that somehow by flicking them off the roof, the matches would burn down everything, the sparks from the tips of the flames, torching the world and all the heartbroken people in it.

How did you do that?” Mr. Poe asked. “Nice girls shouldn’t know how to do such things.” “My sister is a nice girl,” Klaus said, “and she knows how to do all sorts of things.

There is no easy way to train an apprentice. My two tools are example and nagging.

When things don't go right, go left

...there's nothing wrong with occasionally staring out the window and thinking nonsense, as long as the nonsense is yours.

A good thing to do when one is sitting, eating, and resting is to have a conversation.

You can invent things like automatic popcorn poppers. You can invent things like steam-powered window washers. But you can’t invent more time.

It is my fate that some of my questions will never be answered.

I’m reminded of a book my father used to read me,” she said. “A bunch of elves and things get into a huge war over a piece of jewelry that everybody wants but nobody can wear.

...in life it is often the tiny details that end up being the most important.

It is always terrible to be told to go play with people one doesn't know.

How do you do?" said Violet. "How do you do?" said Klaus. "Odo yow!" said Sunny.

You must be all a-tingle with excitement.' 'I guess so,' I said, but I did not feel a-tingle. I did not feel a-anything.

It is likely I will die next to a pile of things I was meaning to read.

It looked like something the Hemlock needed, or a piece of equipment a plumber had left behind. It looked like none of your business.

Every time you enter a library you might say to yourself, "The world is quiet here," as a sort of pledge proclaiming reading to be the greater good.

For Beatrice- When we were together I felt breathless. Now you are.

It is one of the peculiar truths of life that people often say things that they know full well are ridiculous.

But just suddenly I really, really needed to see you again right that minute, that night.

Numbersign questionmark you" and "Asterisk exclamation point the world.

Let’s go, let’s go together toward something extraordinary and I started making plans, thinking we would get that far.

Stretched out in front of me was my time as an adult, and then a skeleton, and then nothing except perhaps a few books on a few shelves.

But the world did not match the picture in my head, and instead I was with a strange, uncombed person, overlooking a sea without water and a forest without trees.

It is very difficult to make one's way in this world without being wicked at one time or another, when the world's way is so wicked to being with.

So you’re reluctant, I said to myself. Many, many people are reluctant. It’s like having feet. It’s nothing to brag about.

Every new promise was like something heavy I had to carry, with no place to put anything down.

You may be right,' she said, a phrase which here meant 'I’m wrong, but I don’t have the courage to say so.

I was too jitterbuggy happy to sleep, and the whole day kept playing in my brain's little screening room.

There are secrets everywhere. I think everyone's parents have secrets. You just have to know where to look for them.

Just about everybody has written a first novel that they throw away before writing their actual first novel.

I can't think of a story that doesn't have something terrible in it. Otherwise, it's dull. So when I embarked into the world of picture books, my first thought was to do something about the dark.

I kind of always think my work is unfilmable, and when I meet people who are interested in filming it, I'm always stunned.