Daniel Handler Quotes

Making you happy isn't making me happy.

Tell it to everyone you know, but pretend you're kidding.

The right boys I always toss and the wrong ones I keep on top of me like paperweights.

This world is suchier than we are, and the best thing to do is keep moving and find your keys.

There is only laughing across the land as the car moves you along, on your way someplace with love in the car.

I like writing for movies. It's nice to be alone working on fiction in your room, and then it's nice to be in a room with a bunch of people working on a movie.

Labor Day is a holiday honoring those who work for a living. Laborious Day is a lesser known holiday honoring those who cannot stop talking about their work.

Sometimes words are not enough. There are some circumstances so utterly wretched that I cannot describe them in sentences or paragraphs or even a whole series of books.

It looked exhausting and pointless, two things that should be avoided at all costs

I do what I do," I said, "in order to do something else.

Appearance matters a great deal because you can often tell a lot about people by looking at how they present themselves.

This knowledge sits in my heart, heavy as a paperweight.

To Beatrice- My love flew like a butterfly Until death swooped down like a bat As the poet Emma Montana McElroy said: 'That's the end of that.

Sometime during your life—in fact, very soon—you may find yourself reading a book, and you may notice that a book’s first sentence can often tell you what sort of story your book contains.

For Beatrice - you will always be in my mind, in my heart and in your grave.

Hello, freaky peoples!

It was a curious feeling, that something could be so close and so distant at the same time.

The Long Goodbye' is one book I like to read over and over again, and it was an enormous inspiration for 'All The Wrong Questions'.

It seemed to me that every adult did something terrible sooner or later. And every child, I thought, sooner or later becomes an adult.

There are some secrets you want to keep to yourself, even if they don't matter. They might only matter if you keep them secret.

Complimenting someone in an exaggerated way is known as flattery, and flattery will generally get you anything you want.

No reality has the power to dispel a dream.

When you need a haircut, it looks like you have no one to take care of you.

Young writers should read books past bedtime and write things down in notebooks when they are supposed to be doing something else.

But it's far too late for us; ring, hair, letters, photographs - all traces of our love will be scattered then, like an anagram.

When trouble strikes, head to the library. You will either be able to solve the problem, or simply have something to read as the world crashes down around you.

For Beatrice, our love broke my heart, and stopped yours.

You'd think that sweet would be a land far, far away from irritating, but as it turns out they're right next door, and always having border disputes.

You meet people who are in pain in life and love and you forgive them for behaving the way they do.

So she loved him. She just did immediately and again often and clearly naturally and soundly and obviously and many others.

You should never stick something that you are allergic to into your mouth, especially if that thing is cats.

Are you ready?" Klaus asked finally. "No," Sunny answered. "Me neither," Violet said, "but if we wait until we're ready we'll be waiting for the rest of our lives, Let's go.

It was a secret time and place, you next to me, untraceable and out of this world

Grammar is the greatest joy in life, don't you find?

'Help me,' Allison says, but she is soft-spoken, and everyone she loves is so far away.

She gave me a hug and for a second I was embraced by a body that makes me want to go home and never eat again.

I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday.

People who say money doesn’t matter are like people who say cake doesn’t matter—it’s probably because they’ve already had a few slices.

Life never end when you are in it.

This is love if it's not with you, a terrible fiery something that makes people look away, and it feels like a punch in the throat.

Once more, this is love: it rings and you open up unless it looks like an ax murderer.

Love is candy from a stranger, but it's candy you've had before and it probably won't kill you.

Sometimes words are not enough.

Sometimes when someone tells a ridiculous lie, it is best to ignore it entirely.

One of the remarkable things about love is that, despite very irritating people writing poems and songs about how pleasant it is, it really is quite pleasant.

The way sadness works is one of the strangest riddles of the world.

Like People, animals will become frightened and likely do whatever you say if you whip them enough.

Members of your family might say they are working hard all day long, while you are off at school or clarinet lessons, but the only way to know this for sure is to follow them at a discreet distance.

Or why you are wearing a picture of Santa Clause on you shirts, but-” “It’s Herman Melville.

If you enjoy books with happy endings than you are better off reading some other book.