Daniel Handler Quotes

We laughed the rest of the way, because the point of this story is, it is not the cookies. It is the love.

I want to love you and take you pretty places. Yes, I have things wrong, but also I can walk through walls if you'll let me show you.

I go to bed early and rise late and feel as if I have hardly slept, probably because I have been reading almost the entire time.

Tell me what it is, or prepare to eat harpoon.

We need things, and the opposite of them, and we are so rarely completely comfortable.

Your initial opinion on just about anything may change over time.

They say in every library there is a single book that can answer the question that burns like a fire in the mind.

You can't believe everything you read.

If you know somebody very well, like your grandmother or your baby sister, you will know when they are real and when they are fake.

Even the best plans can change if there's an accident.

I stayed there loving you, though the love made me, not sad but I guess melancholy, for a reason I couldn’t point to.

-Most people would say that she's beautiful. -That's because she's been with most people.

I hadn't even been looking, not for you, and now you were my heart's desire.

That night was a dark day. Of course, all nights are dark days, because night is simply a badly lit version of day.

What you don't read is often as important as what you do read.

I’m not a cuckoo, either. I’m a fool is what.

Is it OK not to be a virgin, yes. Most people aren’t virgins, Min. That’s why there’s people to begin with.

Dumping you times infinity. Still not enough.

who would dare think that, forever? Some idiot girl who wouldn’t know how things played out.

Sometimes, even the best of plans will occur to you when it is too late.

Don’t repeat yourself. It’s not only repetitive, it’s redundant, and people have heard it before.

Knowing that something is wrong and doing it anyway happens very often in life, and I doubt I will ever know why.

A mystery is solved with a story.

I think we'll always miss our parents. But I think we can miss them without being miserable all the time. After all, they wouldn't want us to be miserable.

Never, under any circumstances, let the Virginian wolfsnake near a typewriter.

There is no way of knowing for sure whether or not you can trust someone, for the simple reason that circumstances change all of the time.

Every problem has a solution. Sometimes it just takes a long time to find the solution - even if it's right in front of your nose.

In times of extreme stress, one can often find energy hidden in even the most exhausted areas of the body.

For Beatrice, I cherished, you perished, The world's been nightmarished.

Historically, a story about people inside impressive buildings ignoring or even taunting people standing outside shouting at them turns out to be a story with an unhappy ending.

It is not always the job of people shouting outside impressive buildings to solve problems. It is often the job of the people inside, who have paper, pens, desks, and an impressive view.

There are many things in life that become different if you take a long look at them.

Put your hair up, Min. The secret ingredient is not your hair.

A girl meets a boy, Ed, and everything changes, or so she says.

Are you who I think you are?

Stop saying no offense,” I said, “when you say offensive things. It’s not a free pass.

I liked, I admit, that we didn’t pretend there hadn’t been other girls. There was always a girl on you in the halls at school, like they came free with a backpack.

And then of course the music sprang up, lousy rock as bold and dull as a giant potato. "Love this song," Todd said, like it was unusually brave to like what was number one on the radio.

I can see it, Ed, I leaned deeper into you, felt you nodding along with the sounds in the room, and your warmth signaled through to me from under your shirt, lovely strong, safe and right.

Count Olaf certainly does sound evil. Imagine forcing children to stand near a stove!

Never mind what my name is,” the man said. “No one can pronounce it anyway. Just call me Sir.

Desperation is like a spilled drink; even if it's delicious, no one will get near it. Cultivate an aura of glamorous unapproachability.

If you wish to avoid an unpleasant story you had best put this book down

Frustration is an interesting emotional state, because it tends to bring out the worst in whoever is frustrated.

Take it back, Ed. Take it all back.

It doesn't take courage to kill someone,' Klaus said. 'It takes a severe lack of moral stamina.

If everyone fought fire with fire, the whole world would go up in smoke.

Troublesome things tend to remain troublesome no matter how many times you do them.

Why not rise from the grave and terrorize a little instead of staying buried and dead in the cemetery?

Wherever it's good, whatever strange, faraway land, let's go there, let's stay in that place alone.