Darynda Jones Quotes

You can't fix stupid, but you can numb it was a 2 by 4.--T-SHIRT

I stop fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now. T-shirt

We're like the Three Musketeers, searching for truth and justice and the American way.: Glitch snorted. "More like the Three Blind Mice, stumbling around trying to find a hunk of cheese in the dark.

I went down like a drunken cowgirl trying to line dance to Metallica.

There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

Reyes Farrow. Because perfection is a dirty job, but someone has to do it.

I totally should've gone to Hogwarts when I had the chance.

I lowered the gun but didn’t holster it. Not just yet. She could turn out to be psychotic. Or a door-to-door salesperson.

I meant to behave. There were just too many other options.--T-SHIRT

Chocolate and coffee ? Together ? Whoever came up with that combination should have won a Nobel Peace Prize. Or at least a subscription to Reader's Digest.

Don't judge me because I'm quiet. No one plans a murder out loud.

When I want your opinion, I'll remove the duct tape.--T-SHIRT

.. an emergency stash of Thin Mints. Frickin' Girl Scouts. Those things were way to addictive. They had to be laced with crack." Charlie Davidson Fourth Grave Beneath my Feet

If I was going to go out tonight, I was going to go out fighting. Or screaming in agony. Either way.

I strode toward Mr. Coffee with lust in my eyes. We'd had a thing for quite some time now Mr. Coffee and I.

He's an enigma wrapped up in sensuality padlocked with a dozen chains of desire and topped off with a razor-sharp ribbon of danger. There are more layers to him than a billionaire's wedding cake.

This is one Fruit Loop beyond certifiable.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good. - T-SHIRT

guys have feelings too. But like...who cares? -Inspirational poster

It is sexy in here or is it just me?

Whatever makes your balloon red, Swopes.

I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.

I had a soft spot for crazy people.

I may as well cut my losses and make a hasty exit while I still had enough self-esteem to walk upright. Crawling was so demoralizing

Death comes to those who wait. And to those who don't. So either way.

There was nothing like a trip to the gynecologist to make one feel just a little violated. Charley

I chose the road less traveled. Now I'm lost.

Glitch was about as wild and unpredictable as a carrot stick.

Life is not about finding yourself. It's mostly about chocolate. T-Shirt

SOME GIRLS WEAR PRADA. SOME GIRLS WEAR GLOCK 17 SHORT RECOIL SPRING-LOADED SEMIAUTOMATIC PISTOLS WITH A LOADED CHAMBER INDICATOR AND A NONSLIP GRIP. - T-SHIRT

There is nothing to fear but fear itself. And spiders. ~Bumper sticker~

Still, this whole grim reaper thing should have come with a manual. Or a diagram of some kind. A flowchart would have been nice.

You know you have ADD when Look A chicken - T-shirt

What's your specialty? Oh, you know. Madness. Mayhem. Debauchery. And even with all that going for me, I can still make a mean mojito.

A sheriff arrested me. I could be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure my men-in-uniform fetish began that day. The sheriff was hot. And he handcuffed me. I've never been the same.

Ask me about my complete lack of interest. (T-shirt)

Cook, at that moment in time, I would have sold my body for a mocha latte

When fighting clowns, always go for the juggler.

No. This has to do with drugs." My jaw fell open and I almost lost my toothbrush. "You're on drugs?" She pressed her mouth together. "No. You are." "I'm on drugs?" I asked, stunned. I had no idea.

I pointed in the general vicinity of my left ovary, "This is Beam Me Up." Then to my right. "And this is Scotty." Garret chuckled and buried his face in his hands. He asked.

A Nuns Life: Chastity, poverty, and obedience. Wait, chastity?" BUMPER STICKER

Paperwork wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for all the paper. And the work.

Looks like macho boy's cool just melted like a Slush Puppie in August.

He's helped me a lot over the years." "I'm sure he has. You scratch his back. He scratches yours." "I have skin allergies. I'm itchy.

How would you like your eggs?" I tried. I really did. But I glanced at his crotch and it came out anyway. "Fertilized?

If life hands you lemons,keep them. Because, hey, free lemons.-T-Shirt

My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.

A guy in an SUV tried to kill me.” “That’s strange.” “Why?” “Because the guy I hired doesn’t drive an SUV.” “That is strange.

Let me express how much I don't care on a scale of one to bite me," the former detective said.

―You realize I can hear you without the annoying intercom. Cookie and I both leaned forward and looked at each other through the doorway. ―But this is more fun, I said. ―More Star Trekkie.