Darynda Jones Quotes

―You realize I can hear you without the annoying intercom. Cookie and I both leaned forward and looked at each other through the doorway. ―But this is more fun, I said. ―More Star Trekkie.

Have you slept yet?' 'Sure. I took a power nap on the way over.' 'Didn't you drive there?' 'Yeah. Other drviers kept waking me up. Car horns should be illegal.' - Charley & Cookie

Insanity does NOT run in my family. It strolls through, takes it's time, and gets to know everyone personally - T-Shirt

Let me express how much I don't care on a scale of one to bite me," the former detective said.

Who knew that all this time the nectar of the Gods was in my va-jay-jay.

My powers of persuasion are only as strong as the bullshit I have to back it up. - Charley Davidson

I may not look like much, but I'm an expert at pretending to be a ninja.

If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.

I sat with my two best friends, knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that only two of us would make it out of there alive. Though I did tend to exaggerate.

Where am I going and why am I in this handbasket? ~Bumper sticker~

I was just passing by. Saw the commotion. Figured you were involved.

Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster and with more energy!

That boy needs a hobby." "Stalking is a hobby." "So is serial killing.

I could be irksome when I put my left ventricle into it.

I may not have any skeletons in my closet, but I do have a little box of souls in my sock drawer. —T-SHIRT

I can hear other things, too. Before you came around, I had no idea a man could make a girl scream like that. Reyes seems very talented.

There comes a moment when you know you just aren't going to do anything esle productive for the rest of the day.-T-Shirt

Surely my macking on some guy in an insane asylum wouldn't hurt him. He'd been living with his stalker, for heaven's sake.

I often question my sanity. Occasionally, it replies.

Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that. - T-shirt

Can I brush your hair?” she asked as she led the way, her disposition doing a 180 on a dime. Kids. Can’t live with ’em. Can’t eat ’em for lunch.

I stood and walked around the desk so I could stand over him. Menacingly. Like Darth Vader, only with better lung capacity.

If I couldn't be a good example, I'd just have to be a horrible warning.

He bombarded me with words, of all things, apparently clueless to the fact that the predawn hours rendered me incapable of coherent thought.

His gaze slid over me like a veil of fire. He could ignite my deepest desires with a single glance. I decided right then and there no more reading romance novels by candelight.

For the first time in my life, I was in a shoot-out. A real, honest-to-goodness shoot-out with a bad guy. And, apparently, we both sucked.

Since I had a soft spot for zombies and my curiosity was killing me, I opted for plan Z.

Who knew Demon Child would have such a normal name? I expected something exotic like Serena or Destiny or the Evil One That Comes in the Night to Make Us Chilly.

You rented the apartment with a dead guy in the corner?” I shrugged. “I wanted the apartment, and I figured I could cover him up with a bookcase or something.

Maybe I needed sensitivity training. I once signed up for an anger management class, but the instructor pissed me off.

God I loved Sammy. I’d considered marrying him, but his wife got upset when I asked for his hand.

In a moment of sheer terror, I realized I couldn't feel my brain. It was there just a minute ago. Maybe I really was dead. "Do I look dead to you?

I’m currently unsupervised It frisks me out too but the possibilities are endless

The point is, stories can be all lengths. Never underestimate the power of “less is more.

You called me at four thirty-four....I hate four thirty-four. I think four thirty-four should be banned and replaced with something more reasonable, like, say, nine twelve.

I sort of got off on making bad guys sweat. Which was not unlike my love of making good guys sweat, just by very different means.

Come here often?' I asked instead, humoring no one but myself. So it was totally worth it.

Man, I want to be someone's forbidden fruit." "Well, you are pretty fruity.

We really should get some X-rays,” the EMT said. “You just want to fondle my extraneous body parts,” I said to the EMT.

After a long, labored sigh, I said, “She was really happy when I got there. I’m pretty sure she was suicidal when I left.” “You do have that effect on people.

You were the one who hit me on the roof? I hit you on the jaw. We just happened to be on a roof at the time.

He seemed determines, his resolve unwavering. This would take tact. Prudence. Possible Milk Duds.

No, no, no, no, no. Anything but murder. Or rape. Or kidnapping. Or armed robbery. Or indecent exposure, ’cause that’s just creepy.

I had yet to be a mother, but I would have thought it difficult to forget something it took thirty-seven hours of excruciating pain to push out from between my legs ~Charley Davidson

Mistakes were made. Others were blamed.

Honestly, he acted as though he didn't like me anymore. Wait, maybe he didn't. "Do you still like me?" "I never liked you." Oh, right. He had a point. Garreth & Charley

Jesus may love you, but i'm his favourite

Where you just possessed?" Cookie asked after a long moment, awe softening her voice. "'Cause let me tell you, sweetheart, if that was possession, I'm selling my soul.

This guy in high school tried to run me over with his dad’s SUV. Bad shoved the vehicle through a store window.” The memory brought a smile to my face.

Least he's committed," I offered. "Or needs to be.