Darynda Jones Quotes

What in the name of Zeus's testicles?

The police never find it as funny as you do.-T-Shirt

The dead guy looked at me with wide eyes. “I can’t move my legs.” I snorted. “You can’t move your arms either, or your feet or your freaking eyelids. You’re dead.

I did that thing where you scratch your eyebrow and flip someone off at the same time. I'm good at multitasking like that.

She's like a hurricane on crystal meth.

I do not," I felt oddly appalled by her statement. "I'm an excellent liar. Ask my dentist. He swears I floss regularly.

Have they even seen the Winchester boys? Sammy and Dean's existence proves there is a god and she is a woman.

They were back. The demons in all their glory. And they had a plan. I made plans sometimes, too, but they rarely involved world domination. Hot dogs on a grill, maybe. Tequila.

My prodding me didn't elicit a reaction. His unseeing eyes stared straight through me. Which was odd. He'd seemed so sane huddled in Cookie's trunk.

But we'd never really seen eye to eye. Mostly 'cause he was much taller than I was.

Friends don't let friends get killed by serial killers

SARC- was my second favorite -ASM word

Rocket," I said, straightening in the chair. "Donovan was just helping me with my contacts." Donovan raised his brows humorously. Rocket furrowed his. "Did you swallow them?

Does your uncle need anything? A coffee? A latte?” “He needs someone to bear his illegitimate child if you’re interested

What did one say to a stalker? Um, pardon me, Mr.Stalker, but could you, like, not?

Man, I want to be someone's forbidden fruit." "Well, you are pretty fruity.

Least he's committed," I offered. "Or needs to be.

I noticed you tore down Donovan's house." He lifted his gaze until it locked with mine. "He's alive because he left town. His house chose to stay. It paid the price.

Honestly, he acted as though he didn't like me anymore. Wait, maybe he didn't. "Do you still like me?" "I never liked you." Oh, right. He had a point. Garreth & Charley

This guy in high school tried to run me over with his dad’s SUV. Bad shoved the vehicle through a store window.” The memory brought a smile to my face.

Where you just possessed?" Cookie asked after a long moment, awe softening her voice. "'Cause let me tell you, sweetheart, if that was possession, I'm selling my soul.

Jesus may love you, but i'm his favourite

After a geological epoch passed in which single-celled organisms evolved into talk show hosts, Mr. Coffee was still holding out on me.

I suck at all this supernatural stuff. But I fry a mean chicken. Oh, good. I hate it when the nice ones get fried.

Nobody wants to look like a fool. Nine times out of ten, that reason alone keeps people from allowing themselves to believe.

I'd never taken to four foot creatures who had the uncanny ability to point out all my flaws in thirty second flat. And just for the record, I can too read without moving my lips.

I love children, but I don't think I can eat a whole one.- Bumper sticker

This place is like crazy on crackers.

You totally need to watch the news." "Can't." "Why?" "It's too depressing." "Right, because hanging with dead people isn't.

Want coffee?" I asked, as I headed that way. "It's three thirty in the morning." "Okay. Want coffee?

Mistakes were made. Others were blamed.

I had yet to be a mother, but I would have thought it difficult to forget something it took thirty-seven hours of excruciating pain to push out from between my legs ~Charley Davidson

No, no, no, no, no. Anything but murder. Or rape. Or kidnapping. Or armed robbery. Or indecent exposure, ’cause that’s just creepy.

He seemed determines, his resolve unwavering. This would take tact. Prudence. Possible Milk Duds.

You were the one who hit me on the roof? I hit you on the jaw. We just happened to be on a roof at the time.

After a long, labored sigh, I said, “She was really happy when I got there. I’m pretty sure she was suicidal when I left.” “You do have that effect on people.

We really should get some X-rays,” the EMT said. “You just want to fondle my extraneous body parts,” I said to the EMT.

Come here often?' I asked instead, humoring no one but myself. So it was totally worth it.

See you in a few. Hold down the fort, Mr. Wong!

You’re the reason I breathe

Try writing an entire story with only a thousand words at your disposal. It’s a terrific lesson in economy and precession.

I could hardly be responsible for my actions when everyone around me gave me every opportunity to sink to their low expectations.

Having Reyes so near is painful. I think it has apoplexy." "Do you even know what that means?" "No, but it sounds serious. Like Ebola. Or hives

I have depth. I've read Proust. No, wait, that was Pooh. Winnie the Pooh. My bad" Charley Davidson.

In three hundred feet, turn right," Darth Vader said. The Darth Vader. I felt like we were friends now. Like I could tell him anything.

Love was not only blind, it often careened into Blithering Idiotsville as well.

Oh, and she told me that men want only one thing. And on that note, I must give praise and thanks to the powers that be. I don't want much else from them either.

You take everything onto your shoulders like that guy who holds up the world, and you shouldn’t. You’re not nearly as muscular.

Okay, I’ll put someone on it. But you know, the Albuquerque Police Department wasn’t really created to find things out for you.” “Really? That’s weird.

I had a horrible feeling my leg was broken. If it wasn’t, it had a lot of explaining to do.