Dave Barry Quotes

If a Greek woman tells you to do something, you do it.

Reading... a vacation for the mind....

But if I hadn't shoved you off the boat back there, you'd be lost at sea now, wouldn't you? We'd all be lost! So thanks to me you're all standing on land."(Pirates, its a good thing they're idiots)

Call me a proud American, if you want, but I truly believe that no other nation on Earth possesses the capabilities to put on a more powerful display of underwater mermaid patriotism.

This is the funniest book I’ve ever held in my hands. --Dave Barry, Pulitzer Prize winning humorist and author says about Radical Sabbatical

Natives of the Florida Keys often refer to themselves as Conchs, and for good reason: They have been drinking.

Thanks to my solid academic training, today I can write hundreds of words on virtually any topic without possessing a shred of information, which is how I got a good job in journalism.

You're only young once but you can always be immature.

Flying from the U.S. to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school.

He couldn't get into Harvard even if he had the dean's wife at gunpoint.

Apparently he was not the sharpest quill on the porcupine if you get my drift.

We will then hear from the founder of the Mayo Clinic . . . Dr. Ted Clinic.

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.