David Feherty Quotes

Watching Phil Mickelson play golf is like watching a drunk chasing a balloon near the edge of a cliff.

I didn't quit drinking because I was a bad drunk. I quit because I was a spectacular drunk. It got to be like a video game, where you get to the highest level and it's not even a challenge any more.

The world's No. 1 tennis player spends 90 percent of his time winning, while the world's No. 1 golfer spends 90 percent of his time losing. Golfers are great losers.

I don't suffer from a mental illness, I live with it.

I was swinging like a toilet door on a prawn trawler.

It's hard to tell who's going to win this week, but it probably won't be a big, fat guy.

I have a healthy disrespect for religion. I really do. When Columbus came to this country in 1492 he brought syphilis, diphtheria, tuberculosis, influenza and Christianity. The diseases were curable.

The course is so long, I had to take the curvature of the Earth into consideration.

Worst haircut I've ever seen in my life. And I've had a few bad ones. It looks like he (John Daly) has a divot over each ear.

If god wanted people to believe in him, why'd he invent logic then?

Colin Montgomerie is a few French fries short of a Happy Meal.

Never has my flabber been so completely gasted.

I don't want anybody to understand what my depression feels like because in order to understand it you have to have been there, and I don't want anybody else to go.

Playing Augusta is like playing a Salvador Dali landscape. I expected a clock to fall out of the trees and hit me in the face.

I hunt feral hogs. I try not to shoot creatures. That doesn't do anything for me. But big, nasty, smelly, bristly things with tusks that destroy everything that they touch. Yeah, I'll shoot them.

Win and you are the superior being in all the universe; lose, and may the fleas of a million rodents, infect your every orifice.

That's the trouble with Nick. The only time he opens his mouth is to change feet.

Being bipolar and an addict and an alcoholic I have to keep myself very busy. I don't sleep. I am lucky if I get three hours of sleep a night, and so I get up, and my head is full of slamming doors.

Everybody knows pretty much everything about me. I emptied all the skeletons out of my closet a long time ago.

Hurling looks a bit like a cross between lacrosse and second degree murder.

I adore dogs to the extent I think they are much more important than human beings. I like your dog much more than I like you.

I lost 150 lbs. if you include my wife.