David Sedaris, Me Talk Pretty One Day Quotes
At the end of a miserable day, instead of grieving my virtual nothing, I can always look at my loaded wastepaper basket and tell myself that if I failed, at least I took a few trees down with me.
I find it ridiculous to assign a gender to an inanimate object incapable of disrobing and making an occasional fool of itself.
but I have no mind for business and considered staying awake to be enough of an accomplishment.
I hate you' she said to me one afternoon. 'I really, really hate you.' Call me sensitive, but I couldn't help but take it personally.
People are often frightened of Parisians, but an American in Paris will find no harsher critic than another American.
My first semester I had only nine students. Hoping they might view me as professional and well prepared, I arrived bearing name tags fashioned in the shape of maple leaves.
I was just struggling with my inner vachette and pondering the depths of my own inhumanity.
Scream at the mangled leather carcass lying at the foot of the stairs, and my parents would roar with laughter. "That's what you get for leaving your wallet on the kitchen table.
Faced with an exciting question, science tended to provide the dullest possible answer.
The way I saw it, if my students were willing to pretend I was a teacher, the least I could do was return the favor and pretend that they were writers.
The guilt applies only to those things that are being given away for free.