Dorothy Parker Quotes

People Who Do Things exceed my endurance; God, for a man that solicits insurance!

Nevil Shute's On the Beach is no Christmas carol, but it seems to me a remarkably fine novel, one which I read, in the peculiarly repulsive phrase, with my eyes glued to the page.

There was always something immensely comic to her in the thought of living elsewhere than New York. She could not regard as serious proposals that she share a western residence.

[Epitaph:] Involved in a plot.

And where does she find them?

Flowers are heaven's masterpiece.

Sure, you make money writing on the coast ... but that money is like so much compressed snow. It goes so fast it melts in your hand.

[Requesting her epitaph to read this way:] Excuse my dust.

[Suggesting an epitaph for herself:] This is on me.

I like to have a martini, Two at the very most.After three I'm under the table, after four I'm under my host.

Prince or commoner, tenor or bass, Painter or plumber or never-do-well, Do me a favor and shut your face -Poets alone should kiss and tell.

You think You're frightening me with Your hell, don't You? You think Your hell is worse than mine.

By the time you swear you're his, Shivering and sighing.And he vows his passion is, Infinite, undying.Lady make note of this --One of you is lying.

Where's the man that could ease a heart like a satin gown?

And if my heart be scarred and burned, The safer, I, for all I learned.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.

I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.

The two most beautiful words in the English language are 'cheque enclosed.

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

Be you wise and never sad, You will get your lovely lad.Never serious be, nor true, And your wish will come to you--And if that makes you happy, kid, You'll be the first it ever did.

This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.

Why, that dog is practically a Phi Beta Kappa. She can sit up and beg, and she can give her paw -- I don't say she will but she can.

Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studdedwheelchair.

I shudder at the thought of men....I'm due to fall in love again

She realizes she doesn't know as much as God but feels she knows as much as God knew when he was her age.

If I didn't care for fun and such, I'd probably amount to much.But I shall stay the way I am, Because I do not give a damn.

They sicken of the calm that know the storm.

They sicken of calm who know the storm.

Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it and it darts away.

Where unwilling dies the rose Buds the new another year.

Poisons pain you Rivers are damp Acid stains you And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful Nooses give Gas smells awful You might as well live.

It cost me never a stab nor squirm To tread by chance upon a worm. 'Aha my little dear' I say 'Your clan will pay me back one day.'

The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant - and let the air out of the tires.

Men seldom make passes At girls who wear glasses.

Scratch a lover and find a foe.

Lips that taste of tears they say are the best for kissing.

He and I had an office so tiny that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery.

Where's the man could ease the heart Like a satin gown?

I don't know much about being a millionaire but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

There was never a place for her in the ranks of the terrible slow army of the cautious. She ran ahead where there were no paths.

I shall stay the way I am Because I do not give a damn.

Wit has truth in it wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.

The two most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed".