Drew Carey Quotes

When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show.

Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.

Learn how to set goals. That's the key to everything. That includes designing your own success. You define what the goal is, it's not somebody else's goal, it's yours.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

I'm a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself.

I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.

There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it.

You say tomato, I say bourbon and coke.

Things don't make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that's something everyone can do.

Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now.

I tried out for 'Jeopardy' once, when they came to Cleveland, but I didn't make it.

I was raised by just my mom. See, my father died when I was eight years old. At least, that's what he told us in the letter.

The first Monopoly game I played with my brothers, I hated losing so much, I just had to beat them.

I could still eat a cheeseburger if I wanted to. I just can't have them every day.

My cranky cardiologist says I'm destined to die in the kitchen.

Vegas is everything that's right with America. You can do whatever you want, 24 hours a day. They've effectively legalized everything there.

What also helps our show is that we never take ourselves seriously.

Some people don't like competition because it makes them work harder, better.

I used to go to the library all the time when I was kid. As a teenager, I got a book on how to write jokes at the library, and that, in turn, launched my comedy career.

Like I said, all comedy is based on exaggeration, big or small, whatever you can get away with.

If you're wearing a Bluetooth thing and you've got that thing on your belt, you are working for somebody else. You are not the guy in charge. That's a really good social status indicator.

I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?'

Eating crappy food isn't a reward -- it's a punishment.

The easiest diet is, you know, eat vegetables, eat fresh food. Just a really sensible healthy diet like you read about all the time.

Oh, and once, when I was in the Marines, I got a perfect score on my physical fitness test.

I'm not against ratings per se. I think more information is always good. But I certainly don't think the government has to step in and set guidelines for how shows should be rated.

The Marines gave me a really strong sense of discipline and a work ethic that kicks in at my job.

Welcome to 'Who's Line Is It Anyway' the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right the points are just like Canada.

The difference between Las Vegas and Atlantic City is the difference between getting conned by a beautiful call girl and getting mugged by a crack head.

That's the great thing about having your friends around you. I've known these guys forever. I really enjoy their company just as people. You couldn't ask for a better work environment.

The less [government] the better.

I wanted to do a show based on what my life would be like if I had never become a comedian.

Everybody in Hollywood loves symbolic gestures.

When I play poker, I don't like losing the pot.

Nevada's one of the most conservative states in the Union, but you can do what you want in Vegas and nobody judges you.

Why is everybody afraid of going to Heaven? You want to be here with the smog and the sin and bad people and the war? Or do you want to be in Heaven, sitting next to Jesus, you know?

But I don't want to lose touch with things like eating in Bob's Big Boy.

I don't miss the economic insecurity, the living paycheck to paycheck.

At 'Price Is Right,' people feel so safe there and loved. And if you can't jump around on 'Price is Right,' then you can't jump around anywhere, you know?

Reality shows always look for the worst people.

The Marines was a fresh start - that is why they shave your head. I wish they would let you change your name.

On other shows when they get to the end of the scene, they yell 'Cut!' On Whose Line, we yell 'That's Enough!'

Look, this is an odd question, but you're kind of cute and you're pretty nice to me. Are you drunk? It's OK if you are.

Trust me, kids - your homework can wait. Don't need to be doing homework while Whose Line is on; skip it!

Libertarians are conservatives who still get high.

Every election I have to hold my nose to vote.

In any other job, they're truck drivers. In show-biz, they're Transportation Captains.

I have a position of indirect respect and oblique power.

I'm competitive at everything.

Nothing's funny about someone who's successful.