Elle Lothlorien, Alice In Wonderland Quotes

No thanks…Dodo, was it? I don’t know if I can watch you have performance problems twice in ten days.

Seriously, what is the purpose? Maybe I’d feel better about walking around speaking fluent jive if I knew there was a reason for it.

Congratulations, Mousey, you’ve managed to insult every marsupial in the country in just under three kilometers.

Yeah, well, when they say ‘You know it’s a long way, don’t you?’ what they really mean is: ‘You know it’d be faster if you just rode a kangaroo, don’t you?

How was I supposed to know ‘lucked out’ means ‘I got screwed over’ in Australian?

If one more person tells me how big this country is, I’m going to go kick a koala.

The car doesn’t so much drive as float above the road, like we’re making our way to Sydney in a hovercraft.

Alice, it took big, dumb Talon Dodo thirty seconds to get you so pissed about a poker hand pun that you were about to beat him to death with your cane.

I’ll get you and your little dog too?’ You say your girl can’t pay me back? Believe me when I say that that little gift’s just gonna keep right on giving.

I like it because when people use a lot of poker lingo, it usually means they’ve been playing the game for a while. Which is why I immediately avoid those people.

Alice? You didn’t get this far without realizing that you don’t have to cheat to win. You just have to accept that people are easily manipulated.

I believe it went like this—and stop me if I’m wrong, Mousey: ‘Listen, we may not be our own continent and everything, but we have a big country over in America too.

Do you ever answer anything in a way that people expect you to?

I believe the phrase you’re looking for is ‘too much money and not enough things to spend it on.

Follow me down, Alice Faye Dahl. I know the way.

He’s a guy. We’re easy and stupid. Just go bat your eyes at him and beg for forgiveness. It’ll take five minutes…three if you wear something low-cut.

What if it’s a shy fish? Is that a 'coy koi?' What? Don’t hate me because I’m asking the important questions.

Well, I think I speak for everyone when I say that 'Alice Faye picked a peck of pepper for the poor, piping pig in the purple poke.' Wait—is that not what we’re talking about here?

Don’t make me Alice-nap you, Alice. Because you know I can carry you.

I grimace, thinking someone should come up with a new phrase for 'I left the ocean without a kiwi-sized chunk of my lower-left butt cheek' to replace the rather nebulous term 'exploratory bite.

Hey…you don’t look like a rabbit.

Locals. They’ll eventually get out. They’re annoyed. Like when Americans go to the lake. And it’s closed. ‘Cause some kid pooped in the water.

I try not to laugh too loud, afraid a bark-like noise will be mistaken by any great whites lurking in the area as the distress call of a juvenile seal.

Mouse likes to drag you to uninhabited areas with no cell signal—all those places perfect for dying of exposure.

You can pay for whatever you want, but I just want to warn you that I prefer to stay at places that don’t start or end with the word ‘motel.

I’ve found that lifting the lid with your foot is the most thorough and least gross path to two minutes of peace of mind.

I’m almost afraid to tell you. Let’s put it this way: clean toilets are the least of your problems in this country.

Did you forget a dentist appointment or something, big guy? Where the hell did you hop off to?

I’m busy trying not to look like anything edible.

My butt has a maximum drive time of seven hours.

Did you think your boyfriend was going to stick around and watch you do THAT? If we weren’t related, I would’ve left too. Actually…is it already too late for me to leave?

Now see, if it were me, I wouldn’t have led with that. I would’ve gone with something like ‘G’day’ or ‘Wow, aren’t you a little hottie?

I don’t think Australians ever use a couple of words when twenty will do just fine.

Oh, I have plenty of problems with Rabbit, it’s just that my comfort level with his name is standing in line behind about a hundred more important things.

I’m good at being vague and unpredictable. It’s sort of a hard habit to break.

So ‘fatal’ only kills you two out of three times these days? That’s good to know.

Have you thrown ‘Why is a raven like a writing desk?’ at her yet?

Alice, I am the game, and trust me: you don’t want to play me.

Don’t worry, little bunny, we only use our triplet telepathic powers for good.

Didn’t you read the invitation? There’s going to be a game in a little while--the big Twister game in an hour. Make sure you eat plenty of bread.

Oh, yeah, that goatee is really unattractive. That definitely belongs on a much fatter man.

Turns out rolling your eyes in a bar when ‘Land Down Under’ plays is like someone belching during the Star Spangled Banner in America.

Pretty great view. You think they’d do something about the sharks.

You know what they say, Queenie: ALWAYS bet like you have a pair.

For someone named Alice, you’re really not all that up on your Wonderland trivia.

Would you like to hear about the fascinating things lizards can do if you chew off their tails?

Oh, Alice, you haven’t even had a taste of my romantic streak yet. And when the time’s right I don’t think I’ll have to ‘try’ to have my way with you. I just WILL.

The words ‘drink me’ come to mind. Anyone besides me up for some heavy alcohol consumption?

Enjoy your little run because there’s no way you get off this boat without her trying to slice your Achilles in half.

Turns out making a dramatic exit is a lot harder when you have to stand there and wait another twenty minutes for a boat to dock.