Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

The way I see it... If you need both of your hands for whatever it is you're doing, then your brain should probably be in on it too.

You have to have funny faces and words, you can't just have words. It is a powerful thing, and I think that's why it's hard for people to imagine that women can do that, be that powerful.

When people show me clothing that seems very, very feminine, it's hard for me to embrace that, because it just doesn't feel like me.

I do have ADD and in real life, I'm all over the place and can hardly focus. If we were talking for, for more than an hour or so, I'd start drifting off... I can't sit still too long.

Procrastination isn't the problem. It's the solution. It's the universe's way of saying stop, slow down, you move too fast.

I enjoy growing older and wiser and learning from my mistakes every single day.

You know, it's hard work to write a book. I can't tell you how many times I really get going on an idea, then my quill breaks. Or I spill ink all over my writing tunic.

It's funny how cucumber water can taste so much better than pickle juice, even though they come from the same source.

When I look back on the stuff I used to wear, I wonder why somebody didn't try to stop me. Just a friendly warning, "You may regret this," would have been fine.

The only way a no-legged leopard could hurt you is if it fell out of a tree onto your head.

Now airlines charge for everything... If the oxygen mask drops, you have to swipe your credit card to start the flow of the oxygen.

What did the letter O say to Q? Dude, your dikk is hanging out.

I'm so unfamiliar with the gym, I call it James!

I think anybody who wants to be president has to be a politician, but I would like to find somebody who's coming from a loving place instead of a political place.

Do you live each day as if it's your first or your last? Either way you should probably have a diaper on.

I don't think I remember my first memory.

I didn't go to college at all, any college, and I'm not saying you wasted your time or money, but look at me, I'm a huge celebrity.

My hair is always at its best in New York. I don't know what's in the water. It could be mousse.

I'm sure men have their own ways of trying to demean one another, but women can be very gossipy and judgmental, and that doesn't help.

Most people don't get to laugh, be free, dance, be surrounded by this energy. It's important to remind people to take that home. I want the world to start shifting [to] a more positive energy.

I've learned 2 things about tv. It's always easier with vodka & SOME OF THE BEST SINGERS ARE FROM THE PHILIPPINES

It feels good. Kinda like when you have to shut your computer down, just sometimes when it goes crazy, you just shut it down and when you turn it on, it's okay again. That's what meditation is to me.

I hate having to do small talk. I'd rather talk about deep subjects. I'd rather talk about meditation, or the world, or the trees or animals, than small, inane, you know, banter.

It's hard when paparazzi are photographing every single thing you do. I'm sure a lot of people made mistakes - they just were not documented the way they are now.

So be who you really are. Embrace who you are. Literally. Hug yourself. Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.

Save a life this Thanksgiving, and join me in starting a new tradition by adopting a turkey instead of eating one through Farm Sanctuary's Adopt-A-Turkey Project.

All we have is here and now. That's why procrastination feels so right. Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution.

Why can't rappers just say nice things? Like I wanna take your clothes off and hang them up in the closet real nice.

I'm sure there's somebody out there who doesn't like Betty White because she's short and has white hair.

We went to lunch and were talking about procrastination and the waitress overheard us and she said, 'I have a problem with procrastination, too.' I said 'Really?... Get my sandwich.'

That woman in the shampoo commercial - she's happy. She's... she's too happy.

I had done a sitcom and a movie and hosted the Emmys, and all of a sudden, I lost everything. As someone put it at the time, I was suddenly like a Ferrari in neutral.

It always helps to think about other people instead of ourselves.

Leaning forward in your chair when someone is trying to squeeze behind you isn't enough. You also have to move the chair.

I wonder what will happen if i put a hand cream on my feet, will they get confused and start clapping?

Why is it that when you wipe up dust its called dusting but when you wipe up a spill its not called spilling? Just something to think about.

There are all sorts of books offering advice on how to deal with life-threatening situations, but where's the advice on dealing with embarrassing ones?

...we should be grateful for them because without our family—the ancestors we descend from, the cousins we see once a year, the loves our lives we see every day—life is pretty boring.

I'm a comedian, and I definitely see the humor in a lot of things. I am also sad a lot. I cry often and easily. I think you're supposed to feel all kinds of things.

When we were growing up our parents somehow made it clear that being famous was good. And I mistakenly thought that if I was famous then everyone would love me.

I would love to have the same rights as everybody else. I would love, I don't care if it's called marriage. I don't care if it's called, you know, domestic partnership. I don't care what it's called.

Though you feel you're not where you're suppose to be, you shouldn't worry because that next turn that you take, it will lead you to where you wanna go.

Sometimes the greatest things are the most embarrassing.

There's nothing I know for sure, because I know for sure that things change.

One rough patch is not the big picture.

Answers to Frequently Asked Questions: Yes. Yes. No. One time in high school. Three times in my twenties. Rocks no salt. Yes. Four. Never. And how dare you! I will take no further questions.

If we don’t want to define ourselves by things as superficial as our appearances, we’re stuck with the revolting alternative of being judged by our actions.

I would love for the world to be happier.

There are people who study germs. I believe they are called Germans

I admire people who know they can't sing. There are so many people out there who can't sing, but they think they can, so they sing a lot.