Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

You're gonna be ok, dum de dum dum dum, just dance.

I don't know who had the bright idea of teaching pneumonia how to walk, but I'd like to find that dunderhead before he decides he wants to teach it how to drive.

I still have the shirt I wore my first time on Johnny Carson's show. Only now I use it as a tablecloth at dinner parties. It was very blousy.

If we lose our phones, we lose our phone books. You don't memorize numbers anymore.

Have you seen the deer heads on the walls of bars, the ones wearing party hats, sunglasses and streamers? I feel sorry for them because obviously they were at a party having a good time.

I had a really tough time for a few years. My show was gone. My phone wasn't ringing. There wasn't one job offer. And at that point, I thought I knew for sure that I wouldn't work in Hollywood again.

I was raised that you don't use something nice until there's someplace to go.

I've got a lot to say about television. There's a lot going on in television right now and I feel like a huge part of television.

So, I bought a new CD and I was trying to get it open but couldn't with all the layers... I mean plastic and then tape, and the tape is like government tape. It says 'open here.' Is that sarcasm?

People give me such a hard time because I don't wear dresses. What's that got to do with anything?

I'm a fan of people getting together.

I wanted to have money; I wanted to be special; I wanted people to like me; I wanted to be famous.

I just want to find somebody special, somebody that I click with.

Everybody always resolves to start exercising, but they never do. You know why ? Because it's January. Who wants to go jogging in the freezing cold ?

Really, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I've been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I'm happy I could give him work.

You know that song that asks, "Why do fools fall in love?"? I think the obvious answer is because they're fools.

I care passionately about equal rights [and] animal rights.

I like to try new things because I get bored so easily.

A circus! 100 clowns of injustice have climbed out of the tiny clown car of this court room.

You say you're sick and tired of hearing about me? I've got news for you: I'M sick and tired of hearing about me.

I think there's too much mult-tasking going on. I think people need to quiet down and focus and be still more.

There would be nothing to get me to run for president. I don't even understand how anyone would want that job at all. Although I would be able to play golf which I don't seem to have time now.

I've moved about 10 times over the past 15 years. I don't move for the sole purpose of getting rid of stuff. I'm not crazy. I also move so that I never have to wash any windows.

I do like men and I had, you know, a guy in high school that I wanted to marry desperately. He's the mayor of some small town in Texas. I could be the mayor's wife right now.

Haiku sounds like I'm Saying hi to someone named Ku. Hi, Ku. Hello.

Quick decision makers are often stuck behind annoying people in line at Starbucks.

I prefer to believe that people are good and honest and respect me enough to tell me the truth. It's not easy to find those people all the time, but they're out there.

I love clothes, so when I wear clothes, they're usually somebody's. You know, I'm not wearing Kmart.

The reason I do what I do is because I was influenced by Steve Martin, by Woody Allen, by Bob Newhart, by Carol Burnett, by Lucille Ball.

But seriously, I think overall in the scheme of things winning an Emmy is not important. Let's get our priorities straight. I think we all know what's really important in life - winning an Oscar.

Yeah I'm thirty-six, but on the show I'm thirty-two. Nobody wants to watch a thirty-six year old woman, so they decided to make me thirty-two. Much more appealing somehow.

Don't you hate when people are late to work. And they always have the worst excuses. "Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, traffic." "Traffic, huh? How do you think I got here; helicoptered in!?"

Honestly, I would eat cardboard rather than go back to eating animals.

Something big happened over the weekend. Something that affects everybody, all over the world. George Clooney got married.

Catch-and-release, that's like running down pedestrians in your car and then, when they get up and limp away, saying -- 'Off you go! That's fine. I just wanted to see if I could hit you.'

There is something about TM. It is the only time I have that stillness... It gives me this peaceful feeling-I just love it so much.

I'm not going to say who looks the most beautiful, but it's clear. It's Jared Leto. I mean, he's the prettiest. Boy is he pretty

We're just trying to find happiness in the bodies and minds we were given, like everyone else.

I don't want to get the same looks I give people when they get on a plane holding a baby: "That's a cute baby, just keep walking, keep walking, keep going, keep going.

Beauty is not between a size 0 and a size 8. It's not a number at all.

That's what life is all about. There's a lot of crying. So you'd better cry now and get used to it.

I cannot imagine not going home to animals. They are the closest thing to God. They don't harbour resentment.

I don't want to take a pill. Go to Africa, go follow some bushman around. He's being chased by a lion. That's stress. You're not going to find a pygmy on Paxil, I'll tell you that right now.

Have you ever thought about toothpaste? Ellen has! And she makes a point about all of the types of toothpaste that Colgate offers!

My dog of 17 years just died. Oh you're kidding?... Noooo... as funny as that is, I'm not

You know me. Any excuse to put on a dress.

Come on, if you don't win tonight it doesn't mean you're not a good person, it just means you're not a good actor.

I get paid very well for an amazing, amazing life. I'm blessed.

When there's time for whistling, there's a lot of time on a show.

The stand up, everything was accidental. I never grew up and was the class clown and had to get the attention. It was - it really is, I have a career despite myself.