Finley Peter Dunne Quotes
A man's idea in a game of cards is war, cruel, devastating, and pitiless. A lady's idea of it is a combination of larceny, embezzlement and burglary.
A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.
The past always looks better than it was; it's only pleasant because it isn't here.
That is, no matther whether th' constitution follows th' flag or not, th' supreme coort follows th' iliction returns.
What is instinct? It is the natural tendency in one when filled with dismay to turn to his wife.
Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.
I niver knew a pollytician to go wrong ontil he's been contaminated by contact with a business man.
If Christian scientists had more science and doctors more Christianity, it wouldn't make any difference which you called in - if you had a good nurse.
Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.
The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better - it is just turning around as usual.
A rayformer thinks he was ilicted because he was a rayformer, whin th thruth iv th matther is he was ilicted because no wan knew him.
Meditation is a gift confined to unknown philosophers and cows. Others don't begin to think till they begin to talk or write.
A firm belief atthracts facts. They come out iv holes in the ground an' cracks in th' wall to support belief, but they run away fr'm doubt.
Continued focus on (employee) turnover is of critical importance, because of the direct relation of turnover to improvements in labor costs and guest satisfaction.
There aint any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare.
When the American people get through with the English language, it will look as if it had been run over by a musical comedy.
High finance isn't burglary or obtaining money by false pretenses, but rather a judicious selection from the best features of those fine arts.
I wonder why you can always read a doctor's bill and you can never read his prescription.
Most vegetarians I ever see looked enough like their food to be classed as cannibals.
It is more comfortable to feel that we are a slight improvement on a monkey than such a fallin' off from the angels.
Th' first thing to have in a libry is a shelf. Fr'm time to time this can be decorated with lithrachure. But th' shelf is th' main thing.
A man that'd expict to thrain lobsters to fly in a year is called a loonytic; but a man that thinks men can be tur-rned into angels by an iliction is called a rayformer an' remains at large.
When 'tis an aven thing in th' prayin', may th' best man win ... an' th' best man will win.
Vice is a creature of such hideous mien... that the more you see it the better you like it
Freedom is like drink. If you take any at all, you might as well take enough to make you happy for a while.
One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need the money the most, are the ones that never have it.
The American nation in the sixth ward is a fine people; they love the eagle - on the back of a dollar.
Work is work if you're paid to do it, and it's a pleasure if you pay to be allowed to do it.
Vice goes along way towards making life bearable. A little vice now and then is relished by the best of men.
If a man is wise, he gets rich an' if he gets rich, he gets foolish, or his wife does. That's what keeps the money movin' around.
The wise people are in New York because the foolish went there first, that's the way the wise men make a living.
Many a man that could rule a hundherd millyon sthrangers with an ir'n hand is careful to take off his shoes in the front hallway whin he comes home late at night.
