Finley Peter Dunne Quotes

Many a man that couldn't direct ye to th' drug store on th' corner when he was thirty will get a respectful hearin' when age has further impaired his mind.

Viceis a creature of such heejous mienthat th' more ye see it th' betther ye like it.

A Mormon is a man that has the bad taste and the religion to do what a good many other people are restrained from doing by conscientious scruples and the police.

The last man that makes a joke owns it.

Even an Englishman was niver improved by bein' blown up.

Politics ain't beanbag: 'tis a man's game, and women, children 'n' pro-hy-bitionists had best stay out of it.

Histhry is a post-mortem examination. It tellsye what a counthry died iv. But I'd like to know what it lived iv.

If ye live enough befure thirty ye won't care to live at all afther fifty.

There's always wan encouragin' thing about th' sad scientific facts that come out ivrv week in th' pa-apers. They're usually not thrue.

It must be a good thing to be good or ivrybody wudden't be pretendin' he was.

Th' dead ar-re always pop'lar. I knowed a society wanst to vote a monyment to a man an' refuse to help his fam'ly, all in wan night.

To most people a savage nation is wan that doesn't wear oncomf'rtable clothes.

No matter whether the Constitution follows the flag or not, the Supreme Court follows the election returns.

It [Thanksgiving] was founded by the Puritans to give thanks for bein' preserved from the Indians, an' we keep it to give thanks we are preserved from the Puritans.

A firm belief atthracts facts. They come out iv holes in the ground an' cracks in th' wall to support belief but they run away fr'm doubt.

The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

The time is comin' whin not more thin hath iv us'll be rale an' th' rest'll be rubber (plastic!)

There are no friends at cards or world politics.

Comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.

A man's idee in a card game is war- crool devastatin' and pitiless. A lady's idee iv it is a combynation iv larceny embezzlement an' burglary.

Vice goes a long way tow'rd makin' life bearable. A little vice now an' thin is relished by th' best iv men.

The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better -- it is just turning around as usual.

Th' first thing to have in a libry is a shelf.Fr'm time to time this can be decorated with lithrachure.But th' shelf is th' main thing.

I see gr-reat changes takin' place ivry day but no change at all ivry fifty years.

You can lead a man up to the university but you can't make him think.

An appeal is when ye ask wan court to show its contempt for another court.

No matter whether the Constitution follows the flag or not the Supreme Court follows the election returns.