Fran Lebowitz Quotes
The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.
A hobby is, of course, an abomination, as are all consuming interests and passions that do not lead directly to large, personal gain.
As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.
There are two modes of transport in Los Angeles: car and ambulance. Visitors who wish to remain inconspicuous are advised to choose the latter
I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.
Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?
If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure.
You can be nasty when you are young, but you really have to be older to achieve bitterness.
You sit or stand in the subway, and you look around - I do, because I don't have a phone so I'm not playing a game - and you see people.
In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.
Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.
There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.
Tolerance is really a better thing than understanding. Because it doesn't agitate against human nature.
I doubt there's ever been a true thing said on Fox. Maybe the weather report, maybe not.
No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.
Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.
Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.
Inhabitants of underdeveloped nations and victims of natural disasters are the only people who have ever been happy to see soybeans.
If people don't want to listen to you, what makes you think they want to hear from your sweater?
Donald Trump is not my fault. You can blame certain things on me, but not Donald Trump.
