Frank Zappa Quotes

The kerosene record player is not a very efficient device.

In order to deviate successfully, one has to have at least a passing acquaintance with whatever norm one expects to deviate from.

The most abundant element in the Universe is stupidity

Mr. Gorbachev has apparently stumbled onto one of the best-kept secrets in recent Soviet history: Communism doesn't work.

What something is depends more on when it is than anything else.

The crux of the biscuit is the apostrophe!

Catholic girls with tiny little mustaches.

Cocaine decisions that you make today, will mean nothing later on when you get nose decay.

They tried to make me go to Catholic school, too. I lasted a very short time. When the penguin came after me with a ruler, I was out of there.

There are three things that smell of fish. One of them is fish. The other two are growing on you!

Classical musicians go to the conservatories, rock´n roll musicians go to the garages.

It's two o'clock in the morning, they're not going to get any nooky anyway, so this one guy and the guy with the t-shirt guy started sniffing the girls panties.

Anyone who is disturbed by the idea of newts in a nightclub is potentially dangerous.

I'm the best you can get. Have you guessed me yet? I'm the slime oozin' out from your TV set!

King of kings, that must be Elvis.

The whiskers sticking up from underneath his pancake makeup, and yet he was a beautiful lady.

The devil, he's about this big. He had a red suit on and a widow's peak, and then a pointed tail, and like a sulfur reek. Yes, it was him alright, I swear.

So many books, so little time.

I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.

Environmental laws were not passed to protect our air and water, they were passed to get votes.

Let's not be too rough on our own ignorance, it's what makes America great.

Listen honey, would I lie to you to get in your pants?

Whatever you have to do to have a good time, let's get on with it, so long as it doesn't cause a murder.

. . . behind each breakaway movement is a breakaway demagogue who will set up his breakaway demagogue government.

How can I lose? I've already offended everybody!

My school spirit is at an all time low, I'm losing my status at the school.

I never have no trouble with my rubber girl.

Organized religions by their very natures are misleading.

You don't dig me, I don't understand what it is, I had my car reupholstered.

I'm more interested in melodic things. I think the biggest challenge when you go to play a solo is trying to invent a melody on the spot.

The bigger the cushion, the better the pushin'.

There is no hell, there's only France

Ever try to have a conversation with someone on drugs? It just doesn't work.

I have been monitoring your earthly broadcasts for many years.

Hendrix is one of the most revolutionary figures in today's pop culture, musically and sociologically.

He likes to flirt with all the boys in the class.

You're baloney without the mayo.

Did he really choose Tammy to do his work?

People are just waiting around to get certified.

Bobby Martin has another project. He's building a house. He's out there at 6 o'clock in the morning hammering nails.

These girls wouldn't let just anybody spew on their vital parts, they wanted a guy from a group with a big hit song on the charts.

Wowie zowie, love me do. Wowie zowie, and I'll love you, too.

Gave my money all to you, took my watch and pawned it, too.

It is always advisable to be a loser if you cannot become a winner

Jazz is the music of unemployment.

One size does not fit all.

Our big prize tonight is fifty American dollars to the girl with the most exciting mammalian protuberances.

So much gets lost in the translation. Even if you sat there listening to it with a microscope, there's no way you're gonna find out what it means.

When God created Republicans, he gave up on everything else.

Okay, it was the Tree of Knowledge. "You eat this apple; you're going to be as smart as God." We can't have that.