George Carlin, Brain Droppings Quotes

So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

I went through the usual stages: imp, rascal, scalawag, whippersnapper. And, of course, after that it's just a small step to full-blown sociopath.

I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.

And although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me.

If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.

I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.

There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.

I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.

Because we were a poor area, the school had a small budget and was unable to teach the second half of the alphabet.

Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple.

You show me a lazy prick who's lying in bed all day, watching TV, only occasionally getting up to piss, and I'll show you a guy who's not causing any trouble.

Sports fans eat shit.