George Mikes Quotes

An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one.

On the Continent people have good food; in England people have good table manners.

The man who is not afraid of danger is not a hero, but a psychopath.

You can keep a dog: but it is the cat who keeps people, because cats find humans useful domestic animals.

In England only uneducated people show off their knowledge; nobody quotes Latin or Greek authors in the course of conversation, unless he has never read them.

Many Continentals think life is a game; the English think cricket is a game.

I asked many friends if Australian anti-intellectualism was still a living force and they all told me it was. If you are above average intelligence, hide this embarrassing fact.

A dog will flatter you but you have to flatter the cat.

The English are always ready to admire anything so long as they can queue up.

The British suffer from a most unfortunate superiority complex - unjustified even under Victoria and most certainly hopelessly out-of-date today.

THE British are brave people. They can face anything, except reality.

It was decided almost two hundred years ago that English should be the language spoken in the United States. It is not known, however, why this decision has not been carried out.

There are many non-intellectual countries; Australia is one of the few anti-intellectual ones.

In Moscow they do not pay much attention to the living but keep their cemeteries in a splendid state.

A foreign observer is struck by our gentleness: by the orderly behaviour of the English crowds, the lack of pushing and quarrelling, the willingness to form queues.

When people say England, they sometimes mean Great Britain, sometimes the United Kingdom, sometimes the British Isles, - but never England.

Humility is one of the most repulsive virtues, nearly always false.

Nobody uses his car in New York, because so many people use it that traffic is congested and unbearably slow.

Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars.

The country has always been governed by a coalition but today it is governed by a so-called Grand Coalition which is a more polite word for all and sundry.

Tel-Aviv airport is still the only airport in the world where each passenger is met by ten relatives.

Bad English was the second language of Israel and bad Hebrew, of course, remained the national language.

The Americans are extremely gadget minded people and American gadgets have a peculiar characteristic: they work.

I said in my earlier book, and find no reason for retracting my statement, that the famous Jewish sense of humour got lost in transit to Israel.

Israel also deprived the world of its chance of shedding tears of genuine sympathy over her destruction. The world resents this; it likes to feel noble and sympathetic.

Israelis keep teaching you your own business. God knows everything but the Israelis know everything better.

I have often thought that the aim of port is to give you a good and durable hangover, so that during the next day you should be reminded of the splendid occasion the night before.

The Art of Conversation could not die in Australia; it never lived. Television did not kill it; there was nothing there to kill.

'I don't say a Zionist must be insane,' said President Weizmann, 'but it helps if he is.'

Rich people (in Australia) have swimming pools in their gardens but, at least, they do swim in them.

The English take everything with an exquisite sense of humour. They are only offended if you tell them that they have no sense of humour.

People on the Continent either tell you the truth or lie; in England they hardly ever lie, but they would not dream of telling you the truth.

In England the boy pats his adored one on the back and says softly, "I don't object, you know." If he is quite mad with passion, he may add: "I rather fancy you, in fact.

Prices in Italy are only slightly lower than in France, which means that Italy is a very expensive country for everyone, natives, visitors and tourists.

The English have no soul; they have the understatement instead.

English humor resembles the Loch Ness Monster in that both are famous but there is a strong suspicion that neither exists.

Japan is, you often feel, an improved version of the United States.

To be extravagant you need money. True. But you do not need your own money.

Once you start buying first aid kits you start having accidents.

Bargaining is a repulsive habit; compromise is one of the highest human virtues - the difference between the two being that the first is practised on the Continent, the latter in Great Britain.

The Japanese are human beings like the rest of us, but they will strongly resent this insinuation.

Foreigners have souls; the English haven't.

To have created a Welfare State was a great achievement; but we must go on to create a Welfare Planet.

On the Continent stray cats are judged individually on their merit-some are loved, some are only respected; in England they are universally worshipped as in ancient Egypt.

A criminal may improve and become a decent member of society. A foreigner cannot improve. Once a foreigner, always a foreigner. There is no way out for him.

When I am alone in the forest at night-time and jump from one tree to another, I often think that life is so strange.