Graham Norton Quotes

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

The only people who are desperate to go on the show are people we're desperate not to have on the show.

A comedian's a comedian. They're a very kind of cynical bunch. I guess that's why I like them.

I bet Maurice Gibb's heart monitor was singing the tune of Stayin' Alive.

I always say I'd rather be miserable by myself than unhappy in a relationship.

I don't think I've got bad taste. I've got no taste.

In my experience the difference between a straight and a bisexual is about four pints

I am really bad at actually interviewing people.

The BBC is a victim of its own independence.

I have nothing to say about my childhood. It was a perfectly pleasant upbringing - it's not like it was unhappy or anything.

Occasionally the state of the planet can knock me off my perky perch.

Straight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do.

My parents grew up working class, but in that way that working class families do, they spent a fortune on education to better me.

I don't think you should have to try to be nice, I think most people are nice. I think being cheerful and nice is just a politeness.

I do get pleasure from very inconsequential things, like shopping for clothes.

Well, certainly I think American television is - that's proper TV.

Basically, I'm a really bad interviewer. I love meeting celebrities, but then I get a bit bored. Once you meet them you thing, 'really, what an ordinary person'.

I am very quick to judge.

I was a failed actor but I still wanted to show off, so I ended up doing live comedy.

The higher your profile becomes, the more aware you are that people out there might hate you.

Do I have more depth than I'm given credit for? No!

I'm actually quite self-sufficient, so it might look as if there isn't room for anyone in my life. That isn't entirely the case.

I loved Lucille Ball growing up.

I'm often dating people, but I don't say it because you sort of know it won't last long.

An awful lot of female celebrities are very beautiful whereas a lot of male celebrities are not so hot.

My life could have been so grim really, really grim.

Where I get bored is when I show up for a shoot and they want me to wear a feather boa. Too obvious a thing for a poof on the telly to do.

You don't want money to make you a social freak where you can only hang out with rich people.

Tolerance is forced on people in London.

Those years between drama school and getting onto the stand-up circuit were pretty lean.

All these people I interview are worth ten times what I'm worth.

Forty freaked me out. I didn't see it coming. My life was in a state of chaos - I was moving jobs and moving house - and it just hit me like a ton of bricks.

I'd like to retire at 50 but I don't want to sell papers in the middle of London on a Zimmer.

I think the word is adult!

I've so exceeded what I ever wanted to do.

It's lovely to get one successful show - the chances of finding a second one are not so hot.

The only time I took Ecstacy was years and years ago. It was absolutely amazing.

If it was possible for me to adopt, I probably would, but no one's going to let me adopt.

It sounds deeply shallow, but for brief spells every member of the public can be fascinating.

You don't want to be hard to look at. Plain very good, hard to look at bad. The plain shall inherit the earth; time is our friend.

Britain's such a twisted, weird little place.

The people I want are very famous and very rich, and all I can offer them is a bit of exposure on TV and a bit of cash, so it's a miracle we get any guests at all. But we have been very lucky.