Greg Behrendt Quotes

He's just not that into you if he only wants to see you when he's drunk. If he likes you, he'll want to see you when his judgment isn't impaired.

Cheaters are people who have a lot of stuff to work out, and they're working it out on your time and with your heart.

Turning a breakup into a break-over ... We want women to know that as bad as it can be, it can also be an opportunity to reinvent yourself.

Cheaters never prosper. (Because they suck.)

..he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he's just not that into you.

He doesn't need to be reminded you're great.

You are not easily forgotten.

But he was so great!' Yes, and the people who got on the Titanic thought they were going on a vacation

If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.

Why should you feel honored for getting scraps of his time?

Ive learned that anything in life worth having comes from patience and hard work.

If you date, you will meet your share of weirdos and jerks. That is as sure as death and taxes.

There are three kinda men in the world. There's men that own rope, men that use eye creme, and that dude from Nickleback.

When we're picking someone who we want to spend a lot of time with, even perhaps for the rest of our lives, we generally try to pick someone who likes to do the things we like to do.

Cheating gets easier every time it's done. It's only hard the first time, when one feels the sting of morality and the guilt of betraying someone's trust.

The reason it's so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and scrammed.

I'm fascinated with human relationships. I advocate the relationship you have with yourself.

I'm just saying, tonight, if you're going through a breakup and you're drinking, don't call. Just don't do it. Don't call. Because here's the thing: booze has information in it!

The time it takes to feel better about a breakup is directly proportional to the time it takes to feel better about yourself.

Remember always what you set out to get, and please don’t settle for less.

Young people are gross with their faces and their hope.

I mean, I feel like you can kill the same bird with both stones.

Every time you see him, you only make yourself vulnerable to further heartache. Do you really need further proof that he's getting on with his life without you?

A good indication that it's not is if you're only staying with What's His Name because you're scared.

An excuse is a polite rejection. Men are not afraid of 'ruining the friendship.

Men like to chase and you have to let us chase you. I know. It's insulting. It's frustrating. It's unfortunately the truth.

People are inspired to do remarkable things to find and be with the one they love.

My daughter genuinely asked me to hand her the basketball bat. I might be failing as a father.

Most people don't want to leave their wife and children behind but many people seem to want to take leave of themselves.

...you are defined by how you live your life, not whom you live it with, and certainly not by what you gave up to be with that person.

I'm no longer a prisoner of my fears. Which really just means I'm using real butter.

My wife's beautiful. That's why I married her. Because I want to see her every day.

She didn't love me that much, but she moved in with me. That's a plus. And then one night, I caught her making out with another dude on the driveway. That's a minus.

A man would rather be trampled by elephants on fire than tell you he's just not that into you.

If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further.

Life's biggest rewards come from the biggest challenges

I want you to be yourself, but not with other dudes.

My buddy Tom... he'd been chasing a girl for two years, and he got her the old-fashioned way - dates and listening.

Don't idolize anyone if you can. You know, be inspired by people, certainly, but don't idolize people... Because they'll let you down.

Two people in a relationship either grow together or apart over time.

There are only so many ways to get people to go see stand-up, that it really is about the product; it's not so much about the theme of the show.

Before you look for validation in others, try and find it in yourself

Try not to be four years into a relationship when it suddenly dawns on you that the guy you're with is a big, selfish jerk.

If he's choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn't respect your feelings and needs.

I get giddy with the idea of stringing words together that make people laugh.

The one cool thing with getting older is that you can actively choose to just be an eccentric.

I like the idea that when a guy comes over to the house, I get to say I wrote the book.

It's the prettiest place on the planet. My childhood was like a dream. It's like the last Mayberry.

For me, a breakup changed my entire life. I was a mess. I really got rocked, and I ended up turning it into a positive thing.

I always tell people it's funny that they think I'm a relationship expert because my two books are about getting out of relationships.