Greg Behrendt Quotes

Good enough to tweet, not to say.

Most comics worship music on some level. It's more rock-n-roll to get up there for an hour and make people laugh.

So, I play in a band. It's a really underground band. Super underground. Very underground. Like, we don't even actually play.

I'm certain prison is pretty rough as it is but imagine if you were a murderer and a foodie!

People say get a job doing something you love. So far no one has offered to hire me to eat Whoppers with a switchblade.

It's time to stop pretending I'm ok with things I'm not ok with like all insects and Foster the People.

I love astute observations and really great wordplay. I love the way that Louis C.K. observes life, and I love the way Patton Oswalt talks about it.

Part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.

I'm just not interested in daytime television, which is something you should remember the next time somebody offers you a daytime talk show.

Always be classy. Never be crazy.

Can you deep fry the bacon? Oh how I wish you would.

How many presidents, do you think, ever said to another guy: 'I can't believe we're doing this in the White House'?

I've learned that anything in life worth having comes from patience and hard work.