Greg Gutfeld Quotes

Commencement addresses are usually garbage. They're for colleges seeking publicity.

Celebrities are the doormats to power.

You can't get more racist than hating black conservatives just because they're black.

I agree and I disagree in the sense that I think that he [Donald Trump] has a fondness for autocrats, but at the same time, isn't he talking about like perception of defending your country.

I don't believe a religion affords any protection if they are connected to any kind of terror.

You should just go, go to work, work hard, be a perfectionist, be a workhorse. If you work 10 years straight, you'll be comfortable and set for life. That is a fact.

The problem with legalization is we already have a dependent generation that's subsidized to oblivion. And will legal pot somehow slice another sliver of the population off of the productive world?

We're already going down that path with illegal drug use and incarceration. I can't imagine it getting any worse.

When you have a TV show or when you are running a magazine, you have to remember that your audience isn't rich. They're not made of money.

You should try to get fired once in a while. It's good for you.

People that want to control words will never ever try to break up, like, a fight on a subway. They will never confront an aggressive person on the bus. They prefer their fights to be easy.

I have friends my age who started smoking pot when they got out of college. They didn't get anywhere. But if they drank, they managed to go somewhere. Does that make sense?

[If Republicans] got to put their kids into public school. They got to take public health. They would become libertarian faster than you could say Ayn Rand.

Ask dumb questions and listen quietly for the answers. That's a wisdom stair climber.

I love it when the market reacts naturally to events. It's like a cat coughing up a fur ball.

It's not enough to be right because he [Rick Perry] is right, you got to be persuasively right, got to be intellectually agile, and I think he can do it.

When immigrants go into the worse neighborhood and they fix it up, they should become citizens.

Ocean privilege does not exist anymore. The world is small. We cannot rely on distance anymore.

The irony of prison is that it takes years and years and years to plan an elaborate escape, but all you have is years and years and years.

Security should not be a black and white thing.

92 people are killed every single day in car fatalities. What if we filmed every one of them? No one would drive cars.

I've always wondered, how did Hitler get away with so much for so long?

If Russia had the same military power that America did, earth would be called Russia.

In the hands of fiends, guns will kill you. In your hands, they protect against such fiends.

I'm thinking about American votes and American - all Americans, black or white have to be concerned about what's happening in the world.

There are always gonna be people that are gonna be offended about something. This will never end.

Job creation is important I think, but it's not the critical issue for Republicans.

America is like the greatest hit of the world.

The [Confederate] Flag is - literally - sewed division. People claim it means different things to different people, but it harkens back to the pro-slavery side of the war.

When someone in power declares that something is broken that means it's actually fine. What they're really saying is, "Let's change this so I like it and ruin it." Nothing is ever broken.

The problem with the immigration debate, it's probably is the most poisoned and political debate of any issue, because you have this huge voting bloc that everybody says is yours

The government is controlling your mind through chem trails, we all know this is true.

ObamaCare is creating nothing but misery for everybody.

I am not the least bit religious, but at least I stick up for the good work of religion and the cascade of benefits that come from religion.

We often mock Barack Obama for whining about Fox News. So it's now what Donald Trump is doing? Should we be mocking him for doing the same thing? I know. It is hypocritical if we don't.

We need an idiot middle ground, where we have to be honest and say, kids can be idiots and cops can be idiots.

I never quit. I just got fired.

The media treats fear like a one-night stand. They jump on it and then they leave the next day and they forget - remember the Alar Scare? Things - see, nobody even remembers Alar.

Good people suddenly don't turn bad.

Politicians, you know Harry Reid hates you. We get it. But when somebody from "The New York Times" or "The Washington Post" is saying this stuff, that's different, that's offensive, that's wrong.

The problem with Republicans and Conservatives is we attack each other.

I admire President Obama's ability to trust strangers.

Steer clear of pot. It's an ambition zapper. Wait till you've made it. When you're 45 buy a bong. But for now, buy a suit.

There's an argument that celebrities stop growing mentally the moment they reach stardom and then they just - everything goes away. I think that's true.

Move somewhere with decent public transit so you don't drive drunk and hit somebody.

We need to remember who the enemy is, and then we need to eat them alive.

Al Sharpton chases the spotlight the way Obama chases golf balls

It was then that I realized that while playing the well-meaning tolerant individual (in short: liberal) garnered you fans and grades, it didn't matter. In my heart and head, I was a fraud.

I think the reason why 'Red Eye' is popular is because we question the common assumptions that you find elsewhere.

[Obamacare] has to be enforced because nobody wants it. This is the nature of progressive government they don't care if it's not good for you. It's good for them.