J. B. Smoove Quotes

I live in New York right now but I'm originally from my daddy's nuts. We all are. Think about, we the lucky ones - we made it. You all are winners. That's the first race you ever won.

True Yankees fans know an up-and-coming player when they see one.

Police blog or entertainment news, it's just good to see your name in print.

I just always found it easier to be the same guy onstage as you are offstage.

I believe, even when I'm doing my standup or my acting or whatever I'm doing, I believe in painting pictures.

When I started stand-up, the first thing I did was to take an improv class.

People love things about Hollywood. People love to see the inside of what's going on.

You got to start by doing little things if your quest is to take over the world.

You gotta improvise in life. You gotta improv if the police pull you over.

My wife is a vegetarian. When my wife is with me, I eat vegetarian. When she's not, I eat meat. I'm just being honest.

You buy a new iPhone, a few months later, another new iPhone comes out, and you get online to buy another one. You can't get enough. You are addicted to Apple.

You want your lady to be a contortionist. What man wouldn't want a lady who's a contortionist?

I try to dress smooth, I try to keep my face shaved, I try to keep my head cut. I try to do all the things to keep it smooth going!

I was the hallway clown in high school.

I'm big on facial expressions, and I'm big on mannerisms, which I find to be hilarious.

For me, standup will always be some part of my life, and other things will move around and find their place.

I have to satisfy my audience.

I don't like to dabble in anything I don't do well. I don't talk politics.

I’m trying to be the Jay-Z of comedy one day. I don’t know if there’s any comedy moguls out there, but I would love to be the first comedy mogul.

Live TV has an amazing pace to it. You've got to be able to think quick, make changes last minute, and be funny and fast.

I love to pitch things that I believe in and products that I love to use.

You know what I like? I like classic stuff. I like 'The Andy Griffith Show' - the variety of characters was so amazing to me.

I am addicted to hockey now. I've seen it on TV, but to be there? I had no idea that white people were having so much fun without me.

I'm a thief. I steal scenes, I steal opportunities. I am the ultimate thief. I got sticky fingers.