J.L. Carr Quotes

Gut health is the key to overall health.

A true friend never asks of you what they know you would never ask of them.

People would rather be deceived than have the truth cause them anxiety

What a splendid time Woo must have had.

Barack Obama is like the old joke about boats. The two best days of owning a boat are the day you buy it and the day you sell it.

You have not had thirty years' experience . . . You have had one year's experience 30 times.

I may be middle class, but I'm hard. 'Al dente', you could say.

I think that comedians, more than any other type of celebrity, have to keep their humour and keep their feet on the ground. If they start taking themselves too seriously, they're heading for a fall.

I knew when I was diagnosed with cancer the only thing I could control was what I ate, what I drank and what I would think.

Sleep is the best time to repair, but it's hard to get a good night's rest when we don't dial the inner chatter down.

We are more capable of turning around our global health crisis than we think.

There is no better leader in collegiate athletics than Tom Brady.

Naturism offers a way of being that dares to suggest that who we are without any additions or covering up is all we need to be.

A dead man is the worst enemy alive, I thought. You can't alter his power over you. You can't alter what you love or owe. And it's too late to ask him for his absolution. He has beaten you all ways.

Yet it's not for want of future that I'm here, he thought. It's for want of a present.

You should have died when I killed you.

Modern man threw a brick through his own window in order to sell himself a burglar alarm.

Being a good writer doesn’t make you a good reporter, it takes hustle.

As an American citizen, I'm not asking for any special treatment - the only thing I ask and want is to be treated just like an Illegal Alien.

Joe Biden was first elected to the Senate in 1972 at age 30. Somewhere around 1992, he should have had to go out and get a real job.

Anyone who doesn't think the welfare-industrial complex is trying to increase dependency isn't paying attention.

Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi.

If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?

All comedians are a bit attention-seeking and I'm no different. Anyone with the audacity to want to be listened to for an hour and a half must be.

As soon as I did my first five minutes of stand-up I knew that I would rather be a failure at comedy than a success in marketing.

I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.

You never want to be the grumpy guy, although I do have quite a grumpy face.

At one of my lowest points, sugar had a painful grip on me. I'd buy/binge and then beat myself up over my behavior.

The book, I think, like the map before it, like the clock, created or help create a revolution in the human mind in the way our habits of mind and ultimately the way we use our brains.

Struggling is mandatory. Suffering is optional.

We were far more civilized in our divorce than we had ever been in marriage. It seemed we'd finally found something we could do together amicably.

My husband is a former Air Force pilot and my son is an active duty Army surgeon, recently returned from Iraq, so my pride in our military is passionate... and personal.

Count on Jill Shalvis for a witty, steamy, unputdownable love story.

My father, who suffered from hardening of the arteries, was diagnosed as having that tragic thief of the mind, Alzheimer's.

We become, neurologically, what we think."(33)

There was nothing dishonourable in not being blown about by every little modern wind. Better to have worth, to entrench, to be an oak of one's own generation.

Home's where you go when you run out of homes.

When a problem threatens to engulf you, there's nothing like irrelevant detail to keep your head above water.

End-stage addiction is mostly about waiting for the police, or someone, to come and bury you in your shame.

The whole business of smoking is like forcing yourself to wear tight shoes just to get the pleasure of taking them off.

I like old people falling over, that's what makes me laugh.

I was quite pleased that Prince Philip didn't say anything like, I hate queers! He was quite well behaved.

I haven't really got much get up and go. I can't believe I'm on the telly. I'm so lazy.

Scientists' minds may jump around like amorous toads, but they do seem to accept such behavior in one another.

People are disturbed enough by serial killers, but the whole notion of female violence, particularly maternal violence - the idea of mothers who kill - really unnerves people.

Still, it's an interesting technique-leaving one person behind in order to find her or him somewhere else. And in someone else.

Warfare against civilians must never be answered in kind. Terror must never be answered with terror.

I, like most of my friends, couldn't believe I bought a mountain called Misery Mountain, because it was so appropriate.

Absolutely nothing brings out the killer instinct in the upper crust of New York Society like a charity function.

The onset of adulthood is an organic, creeping process. No one wakes up one day and decides, 'Lo, on this day I shall forever put away childish things and begin clipping coupons to go to Wal-Mart.'