J.M. Williams Quotes

Everyone just wants to hear the exact jokes that apply to them and want to - everyone wants a perfectly crafted joke for them.

There are things that I won't joke about, but it's not because I don't think they're funny or they can't be made funny. It's just that they don't fit my particular skill set.

I'm not going to talk too much politics because I'm not smart enough to do that.

I admire ventriloquists, because I can't do that. I mean, I might get mistaken for a ventriloquist dummy every now and then, but I can't do what they do.

I'm in awe of comics that do things that I can't do, or haven't tried doing yet.

I don't think I'm extremely intelligent by any means.

I'm funny because I'm funny. And there's more to offer.

I don't get all the anger that is thrown at comedians.

Every now and then we're going to fail.

If you got a hit every third time that you went up to bat in the major leagues, you'd be the greatest hitter of all time. I think my average is a little better than that.

In every other aspect of their life, we have entertainment that is crafted almost to an individual. So they expect that from stand-up as well.

I don't want to be mean. I try not to be.

When you talk about modern comedy I think there's a big three right now, and that's Louis C.K., Bill Burr, and Jim Jefferies. I don't think anyone's doing it better than those three guys.

There are plenty of wonderful, good fat people in the USA that have no problems being fat, who I have no problems with being fat.

Now, I've gotten to the point in my career, I'm 13 years in, to where I know that I'm funny. I know that I'm good at this.

With Kindness 1+1 always equals more than 2

I never suffered for lack of confidence. I knew I would succeed; you have to. I think I couldn't go into any venture any other way.

My wife and children seem to like me quite a bit, and as long as that is true, I'm really OK.

When you make 'The Daily Show', it's usually not for a laurel, it's for a dart.

I want my country to be trusted. I don't want anybody running for president telling the unions what they want to hear at the expense of the credibility of the United States.

People are hurting out there, perhaps they are ready to start a conversation about whether an AR-15 belongs in the hands of a citizen, whether a citizen should be able 6,000 rounds on the internet.

In comedy timing is everything, but Betty White is the rarest of comics who seems to have mastered time itself.

We are the people who won the Second World War and saved the world. We went to the moon. We gave the world the cell phone and Bruce Springsteen. There's no telling what we can accomplish.

A dark poem is meant to redeem the dark part.

I'm a folk preacher. A folk therapist. A folk musician. I come from authentically that which is of my experience. Therefore, the music is strictly from the soul, strictly improvisational.

If you got the truth, you put it out there, and everybody says, "Oh, my God. That's me." And then they improvise also. They take off, as well.

Every contrition for sin is apt to encourage a not quite charitable wish that other people should exhibit a similar contrition.

But maybe it's better to go after something, and not get it, than to not even try.

A vocation is not something you slap on, like a coat of paint, and change whenever you want. A vocation is built into you. You have no choice. If you try to do something else, you fail.

Admit nothing - that was his first rule. Appeal to logic - second rule. Delay the inevitable - third rule.

Weird is good, strange is bad.

We may all end up dead, but we're sticking it to them in the meantime.

History,' Mari muttered, as if she'd overheard his thoughts. 'Why do we need to know what happened before we were born?' 'So hopefully we get smarter and don't make the same mistakes again.

I continue to believe in miracles. But i know that miracles come to those who work very hard

Do not forget duty. But choose love when you can.

If you want to be a writer, you must be in love with the process of writing, whether you achieve financial success or not.

I live in the present because the future is always chancy. When it comes to being with you, I'm willing to take the risk.

I'd rather have a go at life, so there's something to talk about once we're gone.

I like rough edges. That's what makes a person real.

I have to think it's possible to suffer a great wrong and walk away from it. To build a life of small, exquisitely important moments.

A fiction writer is never entirely alone. Her characters are constantly whispering in her ear.

Just because you're the enemy of my enemy don't mean you're my friend, Han thought.

You couldn’t keep your mouth shut? I’m calling you Glitterhair from now on. Or Talksalot.

The human mind had a remarkable ability both to discount what it sees and make reality conform to expectation.

What kind of love would drive a man for miles through solid rock?

I've found it wise to enjoy any time of truce, while recognizing it for what it is. A truce.

You look like a boy who has eaten the fruit of the tree of knowledge and doesn't like the taste.

She padded toward Han, barefoot, like a faerie startled out of a forest bower, bewitching mix of clan and flatland beauty.

But I don't want your throne." "Then what do you want?" "You.

That's what happens when you love someone... you notice and notice and notice.